Saturday, February 28, 2015

February 28 2015 Saturday

Aleph
Blessed are the undefiled in the way, who walk in the Law of the Lord
Blessed are they that keep his testimonies, and that seek him with the whole heart.
They also do no iniquity; they walk in his ways
Thou hast commanded us to keep thy precepts diligently
O that my ways were directed to keep thy statutes!
Then I shall not be ashamed when I have respect unto all thy commandments
I shall praise thee with uprightness of heart, when I shall have learned thy righteous judgments
I will keep thy statues;  O forsake me not utterly.

Beth
Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed thereto according to thy word.
With my whole heart have I sought thee; O let me not wander from thy commandments.
Thy word have I hid in mine heart that I might not sin against thee.
Blessed art thou O Lord; teach my thy statutes
With my lips have I declared all the judgments of thy mouth
I rejoice in the way of thy testimonies, as much as in all riches.
I will meditate in thy precepts and have respect unto thy ways
I will take delight in thy statutes, I will not forget thy Word.

I'd rather number this Psalm by letter and line number. For example: Beth 4: Blessed art thou O Lord,;teach my thy statutes.

You might think I have been slacking off in memorizing Psalm 119. You're right about that. It's difficult to memorize But I'm making progress.

I'm started liking this Psalm because it shows clearly David's way of thinking: Sanctification is God's work in man, yet also man's work in seeking God. How do we know he's talking about sanctification? Aleph 2-3 says that they who keep his testimonies do no iniquity. Beth 1 is more clear though. Remember that Christ prayed, "Sanctify them by Your truth; Your word is truth."

I think this is more than just an acrostic; it is a journey into knowing God's Word. At least, I can see how it's moving. Aleph is like seeing the goal (Aleph 1-2), the duty (Aleph 4), and the end (Aleph 7), all the while entreating God (and thereby acknowledging His work. this is important! To acknowledge God's work is not to think that it is His work as many think about Sovereignty; it is entreating Him to work in and through us). Beth is like the beginning, asking where a man can cleanse his way implies that he begins dirty. It makes no clame of perfections; simply expresses one's desire to seek God's Word (which is also serves as a map for the journey). I won't re-read the whole Psalm to verify this "journey" hypothesis though; I will continue to memorize one verse at a time.

Monday, February 23, 2015

February 20 2015 Friday

I fell in love with Palawan.

I woke up at 5:30 and had breakfast at around 5:50. It was just the usual morning: tinapa and egg, coffee, and WiFi; but the wait for the subsequent trip filled the cool morning air with a deafening tension of a silent orchestra.

I was ready by 7, but we were supposed to leave at 7:30. But apparently, the bus was to arrive at 7. Anyway, it was shameful but they waited for us. We went to their office and waited for something (I'm not sure what) and left at around 9:30. On the way we saw the sharp shadows demarcating the lush mountain peaks from the busy, colorful plains. Along the unbounded curves beside ravines and hard rocks, we passed by the elephant rock (an old tourist spot but someone died there because of sleeping in the cold), and the white rocks. Our travelmate also talked about small birds whose saliva was a powerful medicine (it's now an endangered species) and the Batac tribe and the other tribe whose name I forgot.

We arrived at a beach near the underground river. With some waiting and a sleight of hand, we shortly left by motorboat for the famous river, now one of the world's 7 wonders.

After an hour or so of waiting, we finally delved to the mouth to pierce the wonder's veil of darkness.




The teeth of stalactites hanging from the mouth of the cave, seemingly ready to munch us any time.

My phone camera is too noob to get a clear picture in the darkness. I don't have much to show but I'll try to describe things.

The cave is very spacious even through the tunnels, and more so in the larger holes. Gray, solid rocks, both rough and smooth, and dry and wet, lined with minerals some yellow, gray, and some black. Hundreds of small bats like small dots hung in some parts in the high ceiling. Rocks below these nests are filled with precious brown bat shit, locally known as /guana/. These shits serve as food for other animals such as scorpions and whatnot. Dead bats then serve as food for the aquatic life below.

We only traversed 1.5 km out of 8.2(?) km of the river (although actually only 4.3 km is accessible by boat because the river flows through a submerged orifice.

Most rock formations are given form by imagination, like constellations in the sky. No wonder most are religious shapes and/or related to local milieu, like the half-face of Christ, Mary mother of Jesus (there are actually two of them), the giant candle, the Cathedral, the /palengke/ section (papaya, bawang, jellyfish...) etc.

Either way, the rock formations are majestic and awe-strucking, especially the high ceilings in the huge halls, and tall columns. Soft breezes would blow once in a while from different granc

Since there is only one entrance/exit, we went back the same path. The rock formations look slightly different from that angle but not less awe-inspiring. It was a short hour but really memorable.

We went by motorboat again to the Zipline area. It was 800 meters long, sloping gently over the sea. It was my first Zipline, and I have a video! A bit confusing one, actually.

We were late and so were the city officials that were with us. They were obviously irritated. We went to bought lunch at a place they pointed at but the service was slow (remember people in Palawan have a more laid-back demeanor). And so we were late.

Anyway, that night we went to Baywalk to bike. I barely learned how to do so in Baguio. But in a few minutes it was almost natural, and within the hour I learned how to do a U-turn and one-hand. I was really noisy (I usually am when happy) and I don't care about what others think of me.

We had dinner at Chowking (of all places!) and I had fried chicken Lauriat. No one really wanted anything and since we talked about spicy chao fan (inside joke) we just ended up there.

Then we went to Itoy's Specialty Coffee Shop to have a coffee meeting with ma'am de Leon and sir Bemboy and sir Terence. I bought Iced Coffee which I really enjoyed even though I'm no fan of expensive drinks. I thought it wasn't so bad to spend money once in a while but ma'am actually paid for all of us!! Even brought me carrot cake. Really fun! When I have money I'd like to treat people to. But then I'd be torn whether to save it or to spend it on charity. I don't know how to spend money on charity though so that's still something I have to look into.

Tomorrow we leave early but I didn't sleep ASAP, still hung around the prof's room and got a copy of the pictures in my USB.

Friday, February 20, 2015

February 19 2015 Thursday

To say that a lot has happened in the past three days is a terrible understatement. But I will try to recount them all,. Chronologically, as always.

February 17 2015 Tuesday
Woke up at 4 AM. Left almost as soon. As per our strategy in the wee hours of dawn, Dad accompanied me to the tricycle terminal. In Almar, I rode a taxi straight to UP Diliman, Kamagong, or what I more know as "Centé" (Centennial dormitories). I arrived there 4:58 but we didn't leave until 5:30 because sir July, sir Karl, and Ariel were waiting by the old kamagong. I only know the new one (which is right beside old kamagong), and it had a more fancy label so I waited there.

Airport at around 8, I think. They bought us Jollibee. I ordered corned beef breakfast + extra rice and a hot choco.

The domestic airport was more spacious and cleaner than the international one. At least, in my very few experiences. However, it had no air bridge, which was supposed to be a bad, inconvenient thing. I found it fun though, having to walk towards the plane, under the morning sun and against the incessant wind that comes from either nowhere or the rotating engines of the other planes.

We rode an Air Asia flight to Puerto Princesa, QZ4242 I think. I'll confirm it later. Andrew says it's Z2424 It was my second time in a plane but the wonder remains. I sat by the aisle along the emergency exit, but I can still see through the window. At least, when Andrew isn't blocking it while looking out. It's his first time; I understand completely XD

It's also Don's first airplane ride, and he and Andrew bought the very costly food just for experience/commemoration. I must admit, I felt that I wanted too, but I'm rather thrifty by nature.

There were no cumulus temple pillars during the descent, but the view around Palawan is exhilirating. And I'm not even by the window seat. Small patches of clouds (what I described as goat poo) blocked some of our view but they didn't stop us from seeing the mountains jutting out like crocodile scales and casting shadows on the wild greenery along the long narrow strip of Palawan.

I expected more sights upon landing.

We arrived at the airport 10:45 I think. /Basta/ it's at least 15 minutes earlier than ETA. It was a rough landing, the flight was shaky, and considering Air Asia's immediate history, heart stopping is more than an apt adjective.

Apparently there was some important PNP person who was in the flight with us. He was welcomed by a handful of policemen and policewomen carrying a tarp, and a ribbon if I remember correctly. He walked with straight back and head looking far forward and a sizeable belly hiding his true height.

Anyway, the Grand Vista Hotel shuttle wasn't there, so sir July's acquaintance, the local city engineer, decided to be really really nice and drove us to the hotel and also give us a tour. Thank God for him. As I write this I realized how he was another one of God's providence. I just can't thank God enough.

Well, the tour was after we had a short break and a lunch at the local Robinson's. We ordered something from the food court; I bought something bad. I think it was fish steak and /sitaw at kalabasa/ in oyster sauce and shawarma. Should've bought something else.

Anyway, we were a few minutes late back to the hotel. But Mr. still decided to give us a tour. The contest is tomorrow but we're having a tour. XD

So we went to Palawan Wildlife Rescue and Conservation Center. I have some pictures!



The first we saw were these young crocs


Then there was this hornbill


This old crocodile is like a Godzillet. If you look through the gate the thickness of its tail is almost as huge as me!! I saw it in person and when I did just I blurted out "ANLAKI!!!" (YES ALL CAPS). I looked through the gate and it was really really scary even though it wasn't moving. I had to step back a bit just to get a picture of the whole crocodile that's why it looked small in the pictures.


This is a parrot. Obviously. It can't speak though.








This is a bearcat. It's super cute!!! :3 I want a pet bearcat :)

Then we went to Iwahi Prison and Penal Farm. There the prisoners make crafts and do farming and dance. I wanted to buy a pair of kamagong arnis for 175 and maybe a maximum prison shirt for 400 but again, I'm naturally thrifty.

We then went to Baker's Hill. We saw this






That is a peacock. Very lovely!!

Then we went to Ramon Mitra's house and I touched the two-hundred-year-old tree trunk.

We had dinner at Baywalk and I ate kambing and crocodile sisig. Kambing sisig was hardly different from normal sisig. It was too filled with fat and that chewy/crunchy whatnot. Crocodile sisig was tastier than normal though. It wasn't like beef that had fibers nor like pork that's too greasy. I like it.

Then at night, after bathing and brushing and some cleaning rituals, around 11 PM we reviewed together using an old PIChE quiz bowl.

Then we slept. It was a cold night, but we slept

February 18 2015 Wednesday

Contest day.

I woke up at 5, thinking if I should start my morning or if I should sleep. Having slept late last night, I decided to sleep. I woke up again at 6 and went straight to breakfast. I ate tinapa and egg. I decided to take a bath after, though.

We left Grande Vista at around 7:30. The Legend Hotel was less than 10 minutes away. The whole team wore a white polo shirt, so I decided to wear a white polo too. But I really wanted to wear that smooth gray polo, so I did. I changed my polo for that. The white one was wrinkled because of that though.

Anyway, before the first round the whole team was still studying. I wasn't XD I basically just relaxed the past week. So I didn't really expect the next 2 hours.

In the first round, we lead by 30 but the next teams held closely by 5 to 15 points. Ariel and Andrew were really good! Since the round was easy we wrote the formulas we know. I didn't write much because I relaxed the whole week so I relied only on stock knowledge. The process control question was funny though; it was just easy but I wasn't sure. When I got it I laughed so hard and hit andrew around 4 times. If I were left-handed I might've hit Ariel XD

The second round I didn't know the scores. But I know we did well. And I liked the parmesan cheese in the pasta. And the bread was good too. Don got the only ChE 125 question.

The third round was fun too! I was just having fun there, saying random things and whatnot. I could actually solve around 80% of the problems that we got. Of course, it wasn't always without minor mistakes that needed input from my invaluable groupmates.

We won with 280 points, followed by la salle at 190.

I didn't even feel then that we won. It didn't feel special. I just sat there and felt that I was watching things from afar.

The tiebreaker between BatSU and MIT (around 150 to 170 I think) was totally anticlimactic. BatSU lost because because they answered "isotope" instead of "isotopes." Bad grammar is a terrible way to lose a trophy. The judges were better this time, so I didn't really expect that to happen. I shook my head as the judges deliberated and buried my face on the table as they announced their final decision.

Sour as it is for them, it's a sweet joyous occasion for us. After 8 years! UPD finally got the championship! And we won by a landslide. We led each and every round. There were less bad questions and the judges were more competitive. It felt really good after the numbness.

And it would never be needless to say that this, too, is God's providence.

I became a technical support person later that night. The program was a mess; they started late and moved the program around without even notifying the people involved (me). Because of that I wasn't able to view the fireflies on a boat ride with UST friends. The only upside is I got to watch the performances close up.

Anyway this too, is grace. It's a good day.

February 19 Thursday

We were assigned as ushers in the morning. It was another mess. They just gave us papers and told us to go make people sign attendance sheets. But in reality we took pictures, asked for seats, got scolded by old, single, self-entitled ladies (aka the most annoying people in the world).

Engineers are a mess; they like sitting around in conventions not listening to speakers and doing nothing. They only come for the trip and the food. When lunch time came a lot of people rushed to the buffet table /not even caring to form lines/. Really, they pass the board exam and don't even have the discipline for this?

To be fair, though, there were also the nicer ones. Patient, respectful, and understanding. I like those people. But sadly the "higher" engineers aren't like that. There's always special treatment. I never liked that. Except Sir Francisco Arellano was a cool person. He was old, but cool. And there were those who listen and take notes. But they are really few and I wonder if it's worth the trouble for them.

Actually I disliked only that annoying old lady. I really dislike those who complain a lot but do nothing. And those who complain a lot are a lot more annoying when they are self-entitled.

And Sir Karl and I had a conversation about this and I realized (again) that it was pointless to look at such pitiful people who can't give grace because they never knew it. I should keep my eyes on Christ, /have respect unto all His commandments/ and remember what they really need, and who the real enemy is.

After that we went to the parallel session A and I watched Darren present their undergraduate research. There was also this pretty girl from PLM and another pretty one from UST.

But I slept through most of the presentation. I hadn't helped in the ushering and I felt a little sad. Even though that wasn't really my job.

That night we ate at Bona's Chao Long House. I ate french bread with tuna and beef stew with noodles. Really good stuff. Sir July says it tastes like mild Vietnamese food. I wish I ordered extra noodles.

Then we watched the presentation of PIChE chapters in the Skylight Convention something. Nothing much was notable. Except maybe Ms. Trixie Dy, the central girl in the Bataan chapter, and our picture with Mrs. Laurito.

Jake said "Eh di, wow!" He deleted it after a while. Too bad I didn't get a screenshot. Not like I know how to get one on my phone.

Anyway the day was also a good one. I look forward to the underground river tomorrow.

Monday, February 16, 2015

February 16 2015 Monday

Today I talked to Estelle. :)

I mean, I usually talk to her and listen to her fun and random ramblings but it's the first time I saw her cry. Her tears would always well up on the corners of her eyes. And they would sparkle in the light, and her pupils would seem like black beads of condensed night streaming forth a crystal clear stream of fresh water.

I wanted to wipe them. But she likes tears rolling down her cheeks, as do I. I mean, I like my tears rolling down my cheeks too. But I guess I also liked seeing hers. Not that I was happy she was sad, but more like I feel more connected because I feel like I can see her soul. She's the closest friend I have in ChE - in UP, actually. I wanted to hug her then too, but it didn't seem appropriate.

We talked about lots of things but I won't write it here. I like to keep those things to myself.

But I did tell her what I did this morning, how I went to UP and fixed up FETS a little and how I almost used my duplicate key because they wouldn't let me in and how I snucked out some graphite and how I all did this for the summer moon. She doesn't know her, of course, but well, I don't know. I told her all that bothered me: feeling alone from time to time and lovelife.

I told her all except Christ. It feels sad that I can't share that sweet comfort to her. Well, that's why I wrote that criteria#1 on my previous post.

Anyway, we'll be leaving tomorrow. Haven't studied yet. Will do now. Adios

Saturday, February 14, 2015

February 14 2015 Saturday

It's valentines! No date, as usual. The pressure is incredibly heavy. Everyone's fretting about not having a date. Christians, on the other hand, say "you can love each other better if you both love God" or something like that.

But in reality it should be this way: "you can love God more if you love each other." Otherwise just stay single. That's what apostle Paul is talking about in his letter to the Corinthians. It's not really just satisfying the lust, but keeping away from sin, which is ultimately to please God and give him glory. And yes, I'm referring to romantical love, not spiritual brotherly love.

Anyway, Malaine did a little something for me! It's three notes tacked on a cork board, and I'm really quite happy about it. We should meet soon.

Do I like her? That's always the question about me and girls ain't it? Especially since it's valentines. Hmm I liked her back in high school. But my close friend then was her, well, almost boyfriend. She's very masipag (industrious doesn't cut it) and strict and nice and sweet and caring at the same time. But I really liked that she had conviction, not about useless things but about her principles. And that's very, very, very rare now (yes, triple emphasis is necessary)

I have my principles too. But I'm very double-minded. Yet there's also one thing I have always and will always hold on to: my faith in Christ Jesus.

She doesn't have that. That's why I can't. Like I told /her/ (not malaine), "mahirap mabuhay nang di mo nashshare yung sweetest thing sa buhay mo" (It's hard to live without sharing with your partner the sweetest thing in your life). I used to pray for her to get saved - not evangeligaw, but a genuine concern for her soul - but I kinda stopped along the way. I bought a cute little orange bible for her before too. Hope she read it. I don't know. God does.

So because I don't know, then no or not yet. As we Christians like to say, "don't awaken love until it so desires." It's the biggest lesson I've learned from /her/. And I'm not gonna make the same mistake again.

Anyway, what I'm looking for in a girl (so far) is this:
1. Follower of Christ (someone who seeks Him, not merely wearing a label)
2. Patient
3. Humble
4. /May Prinsipyo/

Thinking about it, malaine actually fits perfectly the auxilliaries. Summer moon isn't exactly up to the last 3, and /she/ doesn't even get #1. But I loved /her/ anyway haha. Either way I won't be courting anyone soon because
1. I'm immature (not experienced with romantic things)
2. I'm unclean (don't really want my partner to suffer my burden. But I do hope she'd be patient enough. Even better if she does)
3. I tend to lose my focus in God while dealing with crushes

I don't really know about #1 since I disagree with most courting methods (I tried but it's a disaster, or rather, I'm a disaster), even that of Christians. And of course I'm not going to get tips from the world where FUBUs are ideal. It's not even love. And I don't really want to experiment with people anymore (I tried it a little before too in the name of Mr. Nice Guy but it's another Chernobyl)

Anyway I want to fix issue #3 first, but that also makes trait #1 really, really important.

It's a long love rant, and I picked a little of thinking in branches and enumerating reasons from The Catcher in the Rye and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time (both really good books).

While texting Jenny (apparently she GM'd Happy Valentine's Day) about That Thing callrd Tadhana I was reminded of the question "why would you choose to love someone at all?" Not love as in "love your neighbor," but love as in married love. Why dedicate yourself and your work and time and sweat and thoughts and life to someone else?

I think the answer is in what I said earlier. "Love each other because you can love God better. Otherwise don't." That's pretty much it.

Au revoir! Bonne nuit :)

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

February 9 2015 Monday

Yesterday I wasn't able to write what happened in LB. Long story short, we were champions. Here are the events that happened to me in chronological order.

That morning I woke up 4:30 and went straight to the sofa. I still wasn't supposed to wake up until 15 minutes later but anxiousness got me in no time. I just curled myself up and leaned on the sandalan though. Basically sleeping but ready to wake up anytime.

Then I took a bath- and took my time too. Arrived late at Philcoa though. The FX was awfully slow; /walang diskarte/. It'd slow down and woo literally every single person along Commonwealth, which resulted in slow rolling the whole time. The vehicle itself wasn't bad, but the driver wasn't just very brightwitted, if there's such a word. We weren't late for the contest/registration so it didn't really become a big deal.

Well, because I was late I didn't get to eat breakfast. Also there was no nearby canteen in the building, what with UPLB being up in the mountains and all. While the opening ceremony stalled for an hour or so, sir Maxwell along with some others decided to drive (Ron's car) to fastfood chains outside. Got a Mcdo Chicken Burger with fries using the coupon.

They arrived while the shortened opening ceremony was underway. Since we were sitting right in front of the stage, it was a bit shameful to eat inside the auditorium. But I was hungry. Also, everyone around me was eating already so I went ahead and did the same.

Good thing I did, because we were Team 1 and apparently the randomization was not so random. We entered round A.

The easy round was incredibly trivial. As in, it was full of trivia questions. We didn't lead then, only got around 4 or so out of 7. We got back up around the last few stretches of the difficult round. We ended up 30 points in the lead, received a trivia question which Yves also answered correctly. Free hawk bags (for kids) and 1k.

So we were already finalists and were confined a room for maybe 3 hours. Lunch'd (free cold KFC funshots) Duolingo'd, napped, studied, Facebooked, brushed my teeth, and filled up raffle tickets which the other guys left when round C came up. Fooled around and chatted a bit too.

The finals was really fun! Worth the not-so-boring wait (I'm pretty good at chilling out by now). There were a lot of hula moments (praise God for that) like Holes and Liquidus (that was in round A though). And CTU was behind us the whole time. They were good.

The last question was the most fun by far. I forgot how to Laplace transform, but the question was thankfully multiple choice. By a not-so-logical process of elimination, we chose D.

The answer was D.

CTU's answer was C.

"YES!!" I blurted or more like shouted, slightly falling off my chair. Literally. Okay maybe I really did fall off the chair. But it was so elating! That feeling of triumph and victory after a very tense and close fight. The 50k prize wasn't even on my mind. I was just so happy about winning. It's something I've almost forgotten after a few years of not joining contests.

And now I want to win again.

The trip home wasn't very notable. Everyone was tired asleep. The travel was really fast though; all in all it was only a little more than 2 hours.

My parents were naturally happy. I was still a bit desensitized with joy. I slept. And on to today.

Today I chilled. Didn't do anything acads-related except start

Today the summer moon called. Supposedly. I'm pretty sure it wasn't her, though. People (girls) were listening on the background, and they were giggling and all. I didn't like that so I ended the call as fast as possible. I think they were just fooling around. Confirmed that it wasn't her later tonight. Don't know what to think about this.

Today I third-wheeled. I arrived at Trinoma around 4:30. The meeting time was 5. UST friends arrived a little past 6, a few minutes into the movie. So meanwhile I met up with elise, who had someone tagging along. I instantly knew he liked her, just from the face she gave off (that proud smile; she likes being in the center of controversy) and his stance and distance. I had to show that I didn't. It wasn't hard. They went to karaoke and I tagged along, since they are rather amusing thing to watch.

Around 6 we went to watch That Thing Called Tadhana. I didn't think it would be very amusing. But in all fairness I was slightly amused. Too much face screen time and too little scenery, unlike in Leap Year. The shots were good though, or what they call cinematography. And I liked the ending. The subtle foreshadowing made it good.

The ideas and ideals, well, that's another story. The director got the point across that Tadhana/Destiny shouldn't be relied on. And that you should rely on your own efforts. "Habulin mo. Mahal mo eh."

From a Christian viewpoint, both effort and destiny merge together. It's kind of a predestination issue. How should I put it? Destiny is what we make it, but what we make it is destiny too. A bird will neither fall nor fly unless the Sovereign wills it so. The conflict usually arises from not recognizing the different wills of God, which aren't really different wills but more like different things. It is in the language we use that we are unable to differentiate.

What made me really think is the idea of love at first sight. Why would you love someone at first sight? Why would you commit yourself to someone who you barely know? Why would you commit yourself to someone at all? These questions, especially the last, need some pondering.

Saturday, February 7, 2015

February 7 2015 Saturday

WOOOO!!!!

It's been a while since I've been on a high. No I don't do drugs. I usually post when I'm melancholic, but in reality I'm rather bipolar Anyway, lots of good things happened today!

Had Duo Meal in KFC Philcoa with my brother. I've been wanting to eat duo meal but never had the chance since I always eat alone.

Saw her

FIRST TIME IN YAKIMIX. This is my second buffet in my life! The first one was during Malaine's debut. That was in Sofitel. REALLY GOOD STUFF. Better than Yakimix, but Yakimix is also good! I ate all the seafood and almost tasted all the sushi. Haha. I really hate my schedule though; both times I left early. I want to treat them back when I graduate! Malaine and Astro, wait for it. :D

Arnis was fun!!! That's all I can really say XD I want to practice and polish the form also for my left hand.

Friday, February 6, 2015

February 6 2015 Friday

He estado muy ocupado reciente!! Executive Challenge is already on Sunday. I haven't even studied properly (haha). Lo voy a hacer mañana XD

More importantly, I've been getting back my old diligence. Not to mention I'm feeling better, especially spiritually. Not perfect, (never been), and never will be here on earth. As RC Sproul Jr just tweeted earlier

Also, I've decided to stop wavering between two gods. I've decided to leave the past now (her birthday is a pretty good closure for me). I'll still be her friend though. I am and always will be. Also I've also sorted things out with what I feel and will do about the summer moon. I'll just stay where I am right now and keep the distance. She herself has said not to go any further anyway.

I'll keep on seeking the Lord. If I find a partner then praise Him. If not, then praise Him too. :)

Thursday, February 5, 2015

February 5 2015 Thursday

Today it's her birthday! I want to give a gift but it feels awkward. My feelings are betraying me. Haha. I'll just pray that she enjoys the day

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

February 3 2015 Tuesday

I haven't had time to update the blog layout. :< I'll try to find some after the quiz bees (Feb 8 and Feb 18)

I've been relatively productive today! Only spent an hour or so in reddit, another hour or so in Facebook and twitter and ask.fm and google plus, and lastly, around 30 minutes in duolingo. I used the rest to do the plant design. Yes, I actually did something.

But I haven't finished the P&ID. I guess I'll do it tomorrow morning. I've done half of it last monday, and I have tomorrow morning to do the rest. They're just heat exchangers anyway.

It's a good night. After all the acads and the training and the socializing and the 2-hour travel home, I found myself relaxed and contented. The moon was still shining a lovely gold tonight, yes, but it wasn't because of that. I had my fill with the warm sinigang na hipon (which, by the way, is my true favorite viand), which was sooo good that I wanted to drink wine after just to make the night extra special, but it wasn't because of that. I felt contented and relaxed because I prayed while in the jeepney. It did not matter that hot bursts of smoke and carbon oxides blew on my face, nor did it matter that the jeep was very slow; what mattered is that I had my long-desired time with God. Thank Him for meeting me!

The printing is almost done! Tengo que salir ahora.

Monday, February 2, 2015

February 2 2015 Monday

So I wrote a short story after a long, long while! I think it's good, on par with the top r/nosleep stories (I got the style from reddit, but the idea was completely mine). It wasn't as well received though. A veces creo que yo quería hacer una cuenta en Reddit, sólo enviar y recibir feedback para mi historia.

De todos modos, hoy la ví a ella otra vez. I pretended not to care, even when Jam told me to look at her. But she's so cute. Je l'aime bien. Haha. When am I gonna learn? I think no one noticed though. I'm really good at pretending not to care, probably because most of the time, I do care. And people aren't used to someone caring all the time. So when I pretend not to, then they think "ah, so he's normal." Just like that. It hurts though, sometimes. But it's for the better. She's not gonna be happy with someone like me.

I talked to the summer moon yesterday. Nothing much, though the real moon is a lovely gold tonight.

No tengo mucho que decir, de verdad. Tengo que estudiar tambien XD

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Imagination

I woke up to her sweet calling accompanied by three gentle knocks on our bedroom's wooden wall. The faint smell of garlic pervaded the still air. "Fried rice," I thought, "and fried fish," as I remembered last night's sarciado. She always cooks the leftovers, never wasteful of a single grain. I loved that about her.

She was waiting by the door, her smile brighter than the golden sunrays piercing through the window grills and the half-opened curtain behind me. She was just as beautiful as she was 20 years ago. I loved that about her too.

I sat up as our 4-year-old son John was pulling my left leg, wanting me to carry him. Without much of a thought I put my arms around his waist, and in one swift swing carried him to my shoulder.

After my morning rituals, I joined them for breakfast. John was almost done filling up his small appetite, while my wife sat quietly, waiting for me to finish. I had just barely put down my spoon and fork on my empty plate when she asked, "So, what is it?" staring at me expectantly, while the spoon and fork still rang the plate.

I drank my bitter coffee, waking my groggy mind up, thinking how to say it. Glancing to my right, I saw John quietly drawing something, while his scribbles come to life, floating up the table then squiggling and moving around the house. I had gotten used to this by now.

"It's Saturday now. You promised to tell me."

"Yes, I did." I was hesitating. It all sounds logical, yet totally incredulous.

She raised an eyebrow. She knew. She always did. She knew me like I knew myself, and she was the only one who ever did. I really loved that about her.

"Okay, I know I've been acting weird recently, and you probably think I'm going crazy-"

"You ARE crazy." She was smiling, squinting a little. Normally, it would be hard to tell what kind of smile was behind that lovely face, but I knew her like she knew herself. We've been together for so long now. I could easily see the shifts on the curve of her lips and quickly recognize when her eyes squint slightly whenever she gives one of her teasing smiles.

I smiled back. "I'm not. This time, I'm not."

Her eyes widened a little, and her smile was now a smirk.

"I think I can see ghosts," I said as cool and as relaxed as I could. She'll think it's just a joke.

But she didn't laugh. Although she was still smiling, I could see the corner of her lips withdraw a little and her eyes widen just as much, almost as if she was giving a sad smile. I've never seen her smile sadly before. Not in the past 20 years. She reached out her right hand as she stood up, and pat my head right where it hurts.

"Ouch!" I said. The wound is still healing.

Just last month a reinforcement steel bar hit that side of my head as I was inspecting the construction site. I was wearing my hard hat and safety glasses, but I was nevertheless hit right on the foreheard. I was knocked unconscious and immediately rushed to the hospital. Needless to say, when I had regained my senses, I immediately fired that new recruit who had not enough wits to not swing the reinforcement steel bars he was carrying on his shoulders. He wasn't even supposed ot be carrying them in the first place.

The head trauma wasn't very severe. I woke up the night after the accident; I was unconscious only for about 20 hours. What drove me crazy was what I woke up to. On the first few waking moments of that Thursday night I found a nurse checking my blood pressure, only to find a second nurse to come a few minutes later and get my blood pressure again. I asked the second nurse who the first one was, but apparently she had no clue. I brushed it off as my imagination, but then I realized the door hadn't opened at all when the first nurse left. That same night I saw a woman with a deformed face as if molten by acid, a child with broken arms and feet crawling through the floor, and a man with guts cut open, blood dripping, and intestines dangling, going in and out of my room through the pale, dirty white walls. I saw them all while I was alone in my room. With the door closed.

I was more than convinced that I was going crazy. They looked so real that I could no longer tell who's a ghost and who's not until they pass through the wall. That time, I hoped they were just side effects of whatever drugs or anaesthesia they injected to me. But now... now I hope I really am just crazy.

I kept telling the nurse I was hearing voices and seeing... things. Gross things. All she said was the typical "they're not real," "they're only in your imagination" and "they're all in your head," etc. I wanted to believe her despite vividly seeing and hearing my nonexistent old wardmate gasping for breath as the nurse was trying to calm me down.

On Friday afternoon my wife brought along my son as she paid me a visit. She must've waited for him after school before coming. She said she came yesterday too, but I was asleep. Always so thoughtful and caring. I loved that about her.

My wife was worried to death, questioning me what and how things happened, her eyebrows knit with concern. But as I watched John, I could hardly even hear her talking. I simply nodded and smiled through most of her questions, because right there, before my very eyes, I could see John's scribbles come to life before he draws them. Later I also saw the imaginary friend my son always talks about exactly as he described him - or it, whatever that penguin-shaped figure was.

And then it dawned on me. The nurse was right. At least, partially. The ghosts really were in my head, but it wasn't just mine. One way or another, I could see the imagination of my son. Perhaps I wasn't seeing ghosts. Maybe that white lady by the lamp post in front of our house and that etched face on the mirror on our bathroom were simply the imagination of other people. Maybe the imaginary world is actually connected in some way.

From then, I developed a theory on the existence of the "Imaginary Plane." There reside all the imaginations of all people; it is colored by hopes and wishes, fleetingly filled by dreams at night and daydreams by day. There materialized are desires and wishes of the future, and regrets and longings past. I don't know how, but now I can see clearly through that plane as if it was real. I just need to focus to see either reality or imagination, as if my eyes were simply adjusting to a different distance.

These are some ideas from my observations regarding the rules that govern this Imaginary Plane. First, a person can only see through the Imaginary Plane as far as his imagination takes him. One normally cannot see someone else's imaginations. This is why mediums need a picture or a description or an old item of a person in order to see "souls" of dead people, which aren't really souls, but only an imagination, a fragment or a residue of the real person. This is also why you feel you see ghosts after hearing their respective horror stories. The more you know, the more you see. This also means that people with bigger imaginations see more ghosts: aka kids, drunk men, or people who lack sleep. And this is why ghosts appear at night: because darkness is a playground for the active mind. However, I do not know why I can see through the Imaginary Plane. I haven't heard of anything or anyone like this before. If you are like me, or you know someone who is, then give me a heads up.

Second, imagination creates objects and beings in the Imaginary Plane, and these ghosts exist as long as someone is imagining them. This is why ghosts appear exactly as we imagine them, or exactly as someone else imagined them. I confirmed this when I saw my child's imaginary friend and "living" scribbles for the first time. Being creatures of imagination, I surmise that this is also why ghosts can apparently hear our thoughts. Lastly - I'm not sure about this - I think this is why we evolved to forget our dreams when we wake up.

Third, beings in the Imaginary Plane desire to maintain their imaginary existence. I think it is similar to the human survival instinct. In order to do this, ghosts haunt places where people know them (remember rule 1) until it becomes associated with them. That way, people generations apart corrobate their stories so they continue to exist and do what they have been imagined to do. I think this is also why Greeks and Romans and Aztecs and Chinese and Mesopotamians had different ghosts and different gods: from the very first imagination, their respective myths have been handed down and modified from generation to generation through the Imaginary Plane.

Fourth, beings and objects in the Imaginary Plane can cross over to the Real Plane, or reality, provided that someone believes that they exist. And usually, they do, because to them, existence is a privilege they do not have. However, they can only interact with those who believe in their existence. This explains why ghosts scare people. You can't be afraid of something you know that doesn't exist. Fear drives away all emotion and rationality, and this allows the ghost to become real for a moment. This is why they can no longer touch me; because I know they are all imaginary.

I thought of these in only a month, and there are so many questions left unanswered, and so many things still to be discovered. If I'm wrong, then I'm the craziest man alive. But if not, then I would be the greatest discoverer of all time. But either way, she'll understand. She always did. I really loved that about her. And either way, I wanted her to be the first to know. That's why I told her.

I shouldn't have.

She stood there, smiling that lovely smile that never once faded in the last 20 years of our lives. She was lovely and perfect. She was everything I could ever dream of. Quickly, she held my face and kissed me.

I wondered why she was in a hurry. Then John told me, "Daddy, you can see them too?"

"I thought you could only see mama."