Today is the last day here at home. I'll be coming back during weekends but of course it's not the same.
Mom meddled again with my money, and so I lost the P100 bill that lola gave me. She even had the guts to say "sulatan mo na lang uli." I hate that. No matter, she'll grow old and she'll realize what she's done.
I know this is not a good way to part but I think in the back of my mind I've always resented them for all the "don'ts" (ehem Alaminos). I've been looking forward to this freedom, and I think I know what responsibility it entails. I'll see it myself on Monday, but I really want to do things on my own for a while now. A really, really long while.
Of course I've forgiven them but the effect of 21 smothered years is very hard to change. I mean, it's rather ingrained in me now, this... forgiven resentment. Which means I need to work on it. I think I've been a good son in general but I just don't know why they prefer my brother who's more disobedient.
They do a lot of good things to me, I know, and I appreciate that. It's just that everything has always been on their terms. They give what they think is good, and never consider mine. That's why I've given up on saying what I want for a long time now. They would always ask, yes, but if I answer, they'd say what they think and then argue that theirs is better. And so we always go with their decision, even in personal things like eating or whatever. I don't like it that I always have to argue with them in order to get what I want. God has convicted me to obey my parents. And at the very least, what I did is pleasing to Him.
Ask and you shall receive. To God perhaps yes, but not here in the house.
Of course it's a different issue at work. I need to assert myself since it's only I who will look after myself. Let's be realistic; the company will only always look after itself.
The bottom line is I'm looking forward to freedom and responsibility. This is to remind myself of the precious freedom, whenever I find it hard to bear those responsibilities.
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