August 10 2014 Sunday

Today I am uneasy.

Bro. R preached about woman leadership. There was blatant emphasis on submission and male leadership. While I agree that there is such a thing as order in the household, to extend that to the workplace is unwarranted.

Furthermore, it was assumed (or rather, unclarified) that the biblical idea of 'male leadership' is the same as the dominating leadership that was passed down way back from the patriarchal eras. But in the kingdom of God, leadership is service, not the distorted idea of instutional leadership in the modern church.
I maintain that the role of the woman is to help the man, as Adam was to be helped by Eve. This 'helping' does not necessarily mean to leave all the housework to the woman, though that is an example. Eve was to help Adam in his work for the Lord, not to help him to a sandwich. I think that the church has a largely biased view on what 'helping' could mean.

A proper reading of scripture gives a high regard for women. I would someday like to go through all of those passages, but I do not have the research capabilities now.

On another note, I was supposed to meet M, but she's not replying. The thing is this meeting looks so much like a date that my parents are sure to ask annoying questions (see my brother's text?). Even if she doesn't show up (which is currently the most likely thing to happen), the result would be the same. Not that I care about what they think; it's just plain annoying.

August 10 2014 Sunday

Today I am uneasy.

Bro. R preached about woman leadership. There was blatant emphasis on submission and male leadership. While I agree that there is such a thing as order in the household, to extend that to the workplace is unwarranted.

Furthermore, it was assumed (or rather, unclarified) that the biblical idea of 'male leadership' is the same as the dominating leadership that was passed down way back from the patriarchal eras. But in the kingdom of God, leadership is service, not the distorted idea of instutional leadership in the modern church.
I maintain that the role of the woman is to help the man, as Adam was to be helped by Eve. This 'helping' does not necessarily mean to leave all the housework to the woman, though that is an example. Eve was to help Adam in his work for the Lord, not to help him to a sandwich. I think that the church has a largely biased view on what 'helping' could mean.

A proper reading of scripture gives a high regard for women. I would someday like to go through all of those passages, but I do not have the research capabilities now.

On another note, I was supposed to meet M, but she's not replying. The thing is this meeting looks so much like a date that my parents are sure to ask annoying questions (see my brother's text?). Even if she doesn't show up (which is currently the most likely thing to happen), the result would be the same. Not that I care about what they think; it's just plain annoying.

August 8 2014 Friday

It's been so long since I last wrote here. As usual, I'd skip the other days and write only about today.
Today is the second day of class. It is very unprofitable. There were no classes at all except for ChE 182.

I really enjoyed it though. Ma'am H (I almost forgot, I don't namedrop) surpasses her reputation. She has a cool voice, a good pace (rather fast for my pen but just enough for my mind), clear examples, even perfect pronunciation (grammar OC too). I'm looking forward to this semester.

When Love is Wrong

Often I have heard: "it is never wrong to love." Perhaps it is this thought that is most influential in making us see things in much more than fifty shades of gray in an otherwise colorful world. A man loving another man; a deprived wife finding satisfaction from another's husband; a free man living life as he wants; a desperate woman clinging to another; a rich man hungry for power; a poor man working for his family; we can see at least seven billion more varieties and nuances of love being justified by that one, globally accepted postulate: "it is never wrong to love."

To this I say: no. In fact, the love we see now is almost always wrong. I could go on with details and perhaps list cases and judge whether each case is right or wrong, because love can be wrong depending on the kind of love, manifestation, object of love, and timing etc. etc. But I think it more fruitful to lay down the one and only time that love is right.

Right and wrong is a controversial issue, and it would be best if we talked about this separately some other time. For now, rest in the fact that God is good. If you don't agree with this then I have nothing else to tell you. You can skip this now and move on with your life - I am serious. Now if you think it right then I will continue. By "God is good." I do not mean that there is some standard of good to which God is measured against. I mean that God is good, and good is God, and that He is goodness Himself, and that He is the standard by which good is measured. This kind of morality has no doubt been abandoned in this age, and I see this as the primary cause of the modern moral mayhem. I will try to convince you of this in some other note (only God can convince you).

Back to the main topic. Love, in all its forms, is only right when it is in God. This is the first and greatest commandment: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind, all your soul, and with all your strength." One need not be concerned whether the kind of love exhibited is appropriate because God demands all our love; or whether the object of love is appropriate because the object is first and foremost and solely God-who-is-good.

Also, because God demands all our love, and that disobedience to God-who-is-good is sin, we can therefore say that sin is but misplaced love. An obsessive love for money, power, objects (even fries and bacon), a country, an ideal, even for people: countrymen, students, the self, or any other - yes even family. I tell you the truth, "everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life." Any love that does not spring from the love of God is sin. Remember, the Lord our God is a jealous God. No man can serve two masters.

You may say, "if God is to have all love, then what about humans? What about the world? How can I love them then? This teaching is black and white; I cannot accept it." The key lies in the second greatest commandment: "Love your neighbor as you love yourself." Humanists would call this the first, but The Christ calls it second. And obviously, He calls it second because the first should take precedence. This brings us back to the question, "if I love God with all of me, then how do I love my neighbor, or how do I love her, or anyone else for that matter?"

Listen to the Christ: "If you love me, you will obey my commands." We can then see clearly from the first and second commandments that love of God overflows to others. Love of God, or love for God means loving people the way He loves. It does not consume; it is a spring from which life flows. This is what I mean by love that is in God: it is an overflow from the infinite love of God. And so it is alright for a man to love another man, or a woman to love another woman, or a poor man to love his family - as long as that love is in the love of God.

You would be right to notice that this context changes everything entirely: the type, manifestation, and timing of love, etc. would be only what is appropriate in God's sight. Now while that may sound boring to someone who has never tried it, let me at least describe to you a little of this great love that overflows. To love God-who-is-good is to see a colorful world: to be content and happy in wealth and in poverty, to enjoy His creation of birds and trees, to love your wife as Christ gave His life, to abhor wickedness yet love your enemies, and to persevere in trial then encourage with a smile.

I am aware that talking about love is probably not the best way to explain it. How can I possibly show you in black text the wonderful colors of the world as seen in Eternity's Light? If I describe to you a rainbow in an imagery that not even Orpheus can utter, it would do you little good unless you have seen a rainbow. I can describe my feelings when I see the color red, but to a colorblind I cannot describe the color. In my dreams I have seen a new color (at least I think so), but I cannot share the experience with anyone at all. I am no Orpheus, and I cannot possibly describe all the various hues and shades of a life in the love of God; with every new tint I see, it seems a hundred more is to be discovered (nothing less should be expected of an infinite God). If you were with me maybe I could minister to you and let you see a glint of Eternity's Light. But that is the best I can do. It would be better to see and experience for oneself. The Word of God lives and He can convince you of this: "It is never wrong to love, when love is in God."

June 27 2014 Friday

Today I met a Pia. Pia Magayao if I remember correctly (though it was just a few minutes ago). She's an incoming freshman (I wonder why "freshwoman" or "freshperson" sounds so wrong), speech com, in UP Diliman too. She's staying in Kalay dorm at the moment, doing and heading volunteer work somewhere. She has fairly brown skin and neatly-lined teeth.

Anyway that's not what's important, as the Little Prince would have said. She's a jolly energetic woman (or talkative, depending how you look at it). She's paranoid; afraid of ghosts in Kalay. She even got scared by Drag Me to Hell =)). I think it's funny, maybe even a little bit cute. Also she knows how to converse (how to conversation in internet grammar); meaning not just talk but listen well, which is a great thing.

That's enough I guess; you might say I'm in love again. I say I'm getting the hang of complimenting people truthfully. I hope I can encourage more people too.

June 23 2014 Monday

Today I saw my love. She is ten times more beautiful than the last time I saw her. She grew her smooth, hazel-streaked hair, and changed her hairstyle. I don't know what changed exactly; I never was knowledgeable about women's hairstyles and I was too mesmerized to notice. What I do know is that it fits her so well like a tiara would on her head. She changed her perfume, too; it's more fragrant but less strong; the kind of smell that's gentle and sweet.

I wanted to hug her so badly, but I have to honor her words and refrain from doing so. I do wish I could've talked to her longer and accompanied her home, but I am a friend, not a full-time lover. (I won't say "I am just a friend"; I treasure our friendship more than gold.)

I know I love her but I can't be with her. Yet I can't stop, because I love her and I cannot do otherwise. Here's to a year of daily death and confusion.

Us Who Have Fallen

I am much tired and weary of that unwanted pity. We who have become lukewarm, who have ceased to care, caught in the trivialities of the world; we who have backslidden and been left behind, whose hearts are callous and souls are seared; we who have fallen, need neither pity nor the rod.

It is most annoying and most awkward whenever you churchgoers and active members ask “how is your ministry?” and “how many disciples have you had? “ and “how many people have you shared to?” and “how is your walk with God?” (regardless of legalism, or of genuine concern, or of ignorance, or of insensitivity). How am I to answer “I don’t”, without receiving that low-voiced “Ah” while looking down on the floor, almost at me, followed by a short, awkward silence, and then finally, a “why?” almost like a whisper. How am I to avoid that gaze that expects a rigid answer when I haven’t figured it out myself?

Why the pity? Are you better than me? Do you think that I wanted to be like this? It is the blandest thing in the world to lose that Flame. Better a bitter life than a bland one. I hated that I didn’t care, but now that hate is fading too. Maybe I simply don’t have the passion. Have I not prayed for it? Did I not ask for it? Even now I knock, but the door has yet to open, if it ever will.

In the end, there are no words for us. There is always encouragement to the faithful servant and punishment to the lazy one. But of us who tried and failed there is none. For one supposes there is instant victory in Christ, and leaders would always clamour and rejoice over that fruitful member. But of us who are not quite there, who carried our crosses and stopped to rest, there is only silence.

There are no words for us, yet maybe we only needed one: “Come.” Sheep in the flock need the rod and staff, but those who are lost need seeking. To be able to just come; no questions, no scolding, no indifference, no pity. An extended hand, a simple smile, and a patient invitation, “Come.” Maybe that's what we need, us who have fallen.