July 1, 2016, Saturday

Today is the beginning of a new month. It seems fitting.

First of all I've realized some things. I tried to embrace myself, who I really am, what I really want. I had denied myself of some pleasures, trying to make myself feel guilty when I really don't. And you know what, I realized what makes my heart beat. I realized that these pleasures I denied myself were actually really useless things. They taste like cardboard in the face of this that makes my heart beat. With this, everything becomes enjoyable. The wind, the songs, the sun, the sky, the world.

Worship. That's what makes my heart beat.

And I have to fight for it. That wonderful, good feeling. That joy that pervades even through the most unlikely of times, the most unlikely of places.

In another note, M- really wanted to keep distance this time. So I didn't say anything just let it be since it's also good for her. But I'm a little sad about it. A little.

There's also an upcoming wedding of my close friend C-. I realized i'm going to meet her again, and i don't know what I really feel. There's something still, but not really the same as before. Anyway, we'll see.

I've also been writing about the Bloodstone. It sucks, but it's a start haha. I suppose it's pretty much inspired by wuxia genre, but it's not a true wuxia. So it doesn't really fit into any category. That means it has no audience yet. That means it also has potential to be a new thing. Although I don't really care, I just want to write it.

That's all for today. About studying new languages, I realized I d not have the time to study so many things at the same time. So right now i just focus on karate. Master is about to retire and I want to maximize the lessons I have.

I am fairly proficient on the 21 sets of the nunchucks, and it's fairly easy to convert from there to application. Although of course it needs a lot of practice to make it really mine, especially with the footwork and transitions to defense. It's basically cadenilla, to be honest. With this, I'll be able to progress fairly fast in my arnis.

I also still practice arnis. I'm trying to be able to do the basic stuff (13 basic strikes, 12 defenses, bigay-tama, 12 methods, 5 doblada blahblah (don't know what it's called, but I think it's from another style not inherently from LSci))- I'm trying to do all these on both hands with fair proficiency. Of course I'm still right-handed, and I learned from karate that that's something you have to accept. That means although you can still perform the basics on the other hand, in real combat you would need to make that other hand specialize in other things.

Like a knife, in espada y daga. But that's still a far away level for me. Especially since I'm practicing on my own.