Not to add to the millions of voices and advices and gurus, but to keep
what you have learned.
This is your ideal progression: friends -> courtship ->
girlfriend -> engagement -> marriage. Of course it doesn’t have to be
that way, but friendship is very important since it provides 1) the necessary
time for discernment of her character and 2) it is the foundation of the
dynamics of the relationship.
When you have discerned with prayer and fasting and meditation in the
word, court the girl. Again it doesn’t have to be that way (you can jump to 3! haha),
but courtship provides the girl the necessary time for discernment of your
character and intentions. During this trial I hope you do not back out. That is
your personal policy, isn’t it?
Truth be told, it is only up to there that you have mulled about. “We’ll
cross the bridge when we get there.” Although of course I know you imagine
yourself sharing activities and working complementarily and side by side with a
partner.
In any case, you have set your ideals on marriage:
- She is a woman – just to be sure... though I
have already said my piece on homosexuality
- She is a ministry
partner – In Genesis 2, right after God gave Adam the task to take care of Eden
and commanded him to keep His words, He said “it is not good for man to be
alone,” and eventually gave her Eve. I think that is no coincidence. This is
also highlighted in 1 Cor 7, where the apostle Paul says “the time is short.
From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not...” After all,
marriage isn’t about making me happy; it’s about making me happy in the LORD and
glorify Him.
- She is a partner
– she not necessarily be a housewife. Others use the word ‘helpmeet.’ And if
she is a partner, then she must be able and she must be willing
(see #4).
- She is submissive
– this may be controversial but I mean this not just sexually (1 Cor 7 again) but
in everything (Eph 5, Col 3). These were written to the saints (meaning, to
Christian families), and our family should definitely qualify as one. Submission
isn’t a bad thing as feminists suppose; remember, the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve. The Kingdom is not
of this world.
- She is a Christian
– this almost automatically follows from #2 but this is specific in 1 Cor 7:39.
And besides “mahirap mabuhay nang hindi mo nash-share ang pinakamasarap na
parte ng buhay mo”
Now ideally, we have the following qualities from the oh-so-famous Proverbs
31:
- Trustworthy
- Brings no harm
- Works and Labours
- Diligent, not idle
- Manages assets and properties
- Benevolent to the poor
- “Clothed with strength and dignity”
- “Speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction”
- Fears the LORD
And we have the following from other proverbs
- Not adulterous (uhh c’mon) (Pr 2,5,6,7,23)
- Not unruly (Pr 9:13)
- Kindhearted (Pr 11:16)
- Shows discretion (Pr 11:22)
- Wise (Pr 14:1)
- Prudent (Pr 19:14)
- Not contemptible (Pr 30:23)
- Not quarrelsome (Pr 19:13, 21:9, 21:19, 27:15)
And lastly, I must find her attractive (although to be honest I find a
lot of people attractive). Perhaps another controversy on the idea of beauty,
but there’s Song of Solomon showing the love of a husband to a wife. It’s the
inside that counts most, yes, because “charm is fleeting and beauty is
deceptive” and “like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who
shows no discretion” but God created the body too, and we are also to take care
of it. Which means it doesn’t have to conform to human standards of beauty (but
I think you’ve already gone beyond that). But I must find her attractive. God
called Ezekiel’s wife “the delight of your eyes,” and there is Pr 5:18, which
is rather impossible to do if I do not at least find her attractive.
That said, who fits the above qualities??
Nope. Not gonna go there xD
(I’ve talked too much about this on Random Journals already haha)
Letters to Myself 12
