A Letter to My Conscience

Hi. It’s been so long. 5 years? 10 years? I can’t really remember now.

I’ve been doing fine in case you’re wondering. Somehow, I manage to fare through my everyday without you. Remember my cousin? I’m trying my best not to despise him now. It’s hard, but I think I’ve gotten used to it, living without you.

I don’t mean to say that I don’t need you anymore. In fact, I miss you. I miss you so much, I would have longed for you like a buried flame gasping for air. I would have, if you were still here with me. But now that you’re gone, I can’t feel such things. All I feel is a little sadness; a little sadness for being sorry but having no remorse, for knowing guilt without feeling it.

I know it’s a little late now, but I wanted to tell you I’m sorry. Sorry for that time I made my brother cry. Sorry for that time I indulged my desires. Sorry for those times I didn’t say sorry. For all those times I deliberately ignored you, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for every little spark of neglect that seared you like red hot iron. I’m sorry for every little flame of deliberate disobedience that burned you day by day, until you shouted and screamed. Yet I still paid no attention, until you finally faded to a quiet whisper of ashes blown away into oblivion.

But that’s it. I’m sorry, but I don’t regret what happened. I can’t, rather; not without you.

I’ll be trying my best here, so don’t worry. Just rest in peace.