Unforgivable

I knew; He told me.
He chose me even.
I saw the miracles-
No, I performed them.
I drove out devils,
healed the sick,
Yet this evil
I can't resist.

He knew; He told me.
Again and again, He told me.
That I am a devil.
Only Him and no one else
No one saw that I fell
The others trusted me
Even with their money.

He knew; I knew.
He gave me the morsel,
But not the wine.
To give me over to the Devil
And to the devil that I am.

And so He said,
"What you are about to do, do quickly."
This is my destiny,
The hell that God allotted me.
To betray Him and fulfil His duty
What can I do against the Almighty?

I knew.
I am the sinner he could not save,
The devil he could not drive away
The one he guarded but was lost
The one he lost on purpose.

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If Judas had not killed himself, if he saw the resurrected Christ, would he have been saved? He was not much different from the other eleven. He was a thief, yes, but didn't Christ came to save the lost? Didn't even Peter deny the Christ?

The graces of of God were upon him. He was entrusted with the silver, a miracle worker, one of the twelve. Christ knew he would betray him, but He let him follow still. He let him kiss Him. God loved Judas.

But Judas did not have faith. He was a thief, yes, but that never changed. He never followed Christ; he was following the money. But more than that, he chose the money. He chose money over the Christ, and that made him no ordinary thief.

Judas was chosen to betray, but so was Christ chosen before the foundation of the world. Yet He says, "I lay it down of my own accord." And so Judas betrayed Him also of his own accord.

True, he regretted his betrayal. Did he regret that he sold out the Christ? Or did he regret that he sold Him for only 30 pieces of silver? But regardless, that regret did not lead to repentance. It did not lead to faith. He might have thought he was unforgivable. Yet neither suicide nor betrayal is the unforgivable sin - it is faithlessness. He heard and saw and felt how deep Christ's compassion was for the poor and for the sinners, but he rejected it. He'd rather die.

Judas would have been saved if only he believed, "for everyone who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved."