Today nothing much happened.
Mom was still a little bit annoyed in the morning but she was fine in the afternoon.
I went to UP to fix the univ clearance. I also tried to get the forms but they still weren't available.
I went to SM to recopy my gradpics but I forgot to claim them when I went home.
I went to Nate's house with David and Carla and Esge to plan for Mt. Batulao on Thursday. I'll be having overnight tomorrow and skip first day of review on Thursday.
We talked a bit :) she also posted her photos and she's so pretty when she smiles (she still is even when she doesn't). Of course we still don't talk like before but it's an improvement. I don't have plans so I'll just do what I always do.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Monday, June 29, 2015
June 29 2015 Monday
Today is college grad day!!! I wrote a lot of dedics in the morning and I didn't even play LoL. I ran out of copies and I forgot to write for grenny, cy, and marx.
But I want to go back to yesterday (again). Yesterday was univ grad.
And I got a picture with her. It's my only picture with her, actually. And she looks so damn pretty.
Since I didn't attend the rehearsal (I forgot to), I was more or less lost so I just went with the flow. Also Christy was nice to brief me.
I didn't take a picture with Tiffany Uy because I don't know her. Yeah she's amazing but I've never really been a fan of anyone.
I really liked the cheers. First when I walked down the processional and second when I stepped up on stage. It made me feel I'm not alone, even though I'm not really identified with any single group. I have friends :) and really good ones at that. And I'm really happy about that. It might be a late realization, but that's better than never.
The Engg Wave was amazing!!! I saw it live from the top. I was clapping and cheering like a seal and I don't care.
Mama was such a killjoy being so nitpicky with everything like where to put bottles and talking and umbrellas and rallies. She's terrible at gatherings.
Actually dad got mad at her during the sunflower pictures (I was pretty annoyed myself by then, too) and we just let her do what she wanted and she realized that we were mad but she's so bad at apologizing. She can't apologize. It's a very sad thing for a human being to not be able to apologize.
The UP Madrigal Singers are amazing!! Iisang bangka gave me goosebumps and that gary granada song was really good too.
Singing UP Naming Mahal is so epic.
I imagine every year, every batch thinks they're so special. We are but another one of them.
So today is college grad. We left home at 9 AM and arrived 12:30 PM. And there were so many people.
But a lot of them left after their part was done. Especially the ones behind us summas.
The program lasted more than 5 hours. I mostly just talked to Christy and David. They were fun to talk to.
Aaron's turn was so epic. 1.4505. So. Epic. Everyone was cheering because of the heartache. Also he had two rodillas or whatever with him.
After the ceremony we left almost immediately. I only managed to take some group pictures and a solo with Tracy. She's really pretty. Oh and there was kevin and ate angelica and arianne too.
The ones I took earlier with sir Jimievard and the star and elise count too.
I wanted to have a picture with her again.
I wasn't able to take pictures with the triple M friends like trixy and badette and coleen and ian.
I didn't take a picture with Christy. I don't know why. But I did invite her to July 3.
Yeah I wanted pictures for this event even though I normally don't because I want memories. I know myself and I forget a lot of things but I want to remember this, especially the people.
But reality is you can't keep everyone. I can't keep everyone. I can't even keep her.
And that's sad. But I think like this because I'm tired already so I'll take a nap in the FX now.
Okay so when I woke up we were right in front of UP, just past Philcoa. This driver is terribly slow. UVW 823 iirc. It has one bright light that flickers whenever the doors close. His eyes are practically unusable and he can't go past 20 kph. He only moves in bursts, doesn't have any judgment when to switch lanes, insists on sticking to the right side of the street. And I thought that anything could be better than this.
Boy, was I wrong. So we got off early at dahlia and then dad decided to ride a jeep (I recommended fx almar). The jeep was just as slow and it stopped on every possible place to get passengers even though it's more than 80% full in capacity (as a rule of thumb you shouldn't be above that if not in rush hour, and if not coming from a terminal). And to add fuel to the flames, it had to refuel. And mom and dad are fighting again because of this uncontrollabke circumstance that happens every so often to me.
Yeah, I'm a pro commuter. I have the discernment which to ride where, and I have the patience when I make mistakes. Mom is not as pro.
But I want to go back to yesterday (again). Yesterday was univ grad.
And I got a picture with her. It's my only picture with her, actually. And she looks so damn pretty.
Since I didn't attend the rehearsal (I forgot to), I was more or less lost so I just went with the flow. Also Christy was nice to brief me.
I didn't take a picture with Tiffany Uy because I don't know her. Yeah she's amazing but I've never really been a fan of anyone.
I really liked the cheers. First when I walked down the processional and second when I stepped up on stage. It made me feel I'm not alone, even though I'm not really identified with any single group. I have friends :) and really good ones at that. And I'm really happy about that. It might be a late realization, but that's better than never.
The Engg Wave was amazing!!! I saw it live from the top. I was clapping and cheering like a seal and I don't care.
Mama was such a killjoy being so nitpicky with everything like where to put bottles and talking and umbrellas and rallies. She's terrible at gatherings.
Actually dad got mad at her during the sunflower pictures (I was pretty annoyed myself by then, too) and we just let her do what she wanted and she realized that we were mad but she's so bad at apologizing. She can't apologize. It's a very sad thing for a human being to not be able to apologize.
The UP Madrigal Singers are amazing!! Iisang bangka gave me goosebumps and that gary granada song was really good too.
Singing UP Naming Mahal is so epic.
I imagine every year, every batch thinks they're so special. We are but another one of them.
So today is college grad. We left home at 9 AM and arrived 12:30 PM. And there were so many people.
But a lot of them left after their part was done. Especially the ones behind us summas.
The program lasted more than 5 hours. I mostly just talked to Christy and David. They were fun to talk to.
Aaron's turn was so epic. 1.4505. So. Epic. Everyone was cheering because of the heartache. Also he had two rodillas or whatever with him.
After the ceremony we left almost immediately. I only managed to take some group pictures and a solo with Tracy. She's really pretty. Oh and there was kevin and ate angelica and arianne too.
The ones I took earlier with sir Jimievard and the star and elise count too.
I wanted to have a picture with her again.
I wasn't able to take pictures with the triple M friends like trixy and badette and coleen and ian.
I didn't take a picture with Christy. I don't know why. But I did invite her to July 3.
Yeah I wanted pictures for this event even though I normally don't because I want memories. I know myself and I forget a lot of things but I want to remember this, especially the people.
But reality is you can't keep everyone. I can't keep everyone. I can't even keep her.
And that's sad. But I think like this because I'm tired already so I'll take a nap in the FX now.
Okay so when I woke up we were right in front of UP, just past Philcoa. This driver is terribly slow. UVW 823 iirc. It has one bright light that flickers whenever the doors close. His eyes are practically unusable and he can't go past 20 kph. He only moves in bursts, doesn't have any judgment when to switch lanes, insists on sticking to the right side of the street. And I thought that anything could be better than this.
Boy, was I wrong. So we got off early at dahlia and then dad decided to ride a jeep (I recommended fx almar). The jeep was just as slow and it stopped on every possible place to get passengers even though it's more than 80% full in capacity (as a rule of thumb you shouldn't be above that if not in rush hour, and if not coming from a terminal). And to add fuel to the flames, it had to refuel. And mom and dad are fighting again because of this uncontrollabke circumstance that happens every so often to me.
Yeah, I'm a pro commuter. I have the discernment which to ride where, and I have the patience when I make mistakes. Mom is not as pro.
Saturday, June 27, 2015
June 26 2015 Friday
Today I got Plat V! So I won two out of five games in the series and lost one. The next game, we had a Bard player who's legit good. We lost though, but that's okay because it was a really really good game. One of those rare games that you don't know who's going to win.
And then the last game of the series, we had two adrs! I really thought I was (we were, when you play LoL you should always think in teams) gonna lose but surprisingly the enemy team was more scattered than we are. We won all the lanes though so it wasn't that much of a surprise by the end.
And then I went to dinner! It was boring. The place was small and it was outdoors and it was hot. But it was fine because I at least gave her my gradpic. And there I told her. Yes, I told her. Que sera, sera. No regrets, before I graduate.
Also I got senyora and the star's gradpics!
I hope she goes on July 3.
And then the last game of the series, we had two adrs! I really thought I was (we were, when you play LoL you should always think in teams) gonna lose but surprisingly the enemy team was more scattered than we are. We won all the lanes though so it wasn't that much of a surprise by the end.
And then I went to dinner! It was boring. The place was small and it was outdoors and it was hot. But it was fine because I at least gave her my gradpic. And there I told her. Yes, I told her. Que sera, sera. No regrets, before I graduate.
Also I got senyora and the star's gradpics!
I hope she goes on July 3.
June 25 2015 Thursday
Today is very tiring. And I'm incompletely happy.
Anyway let's go back to yesterday first. I went to join the Filipino Martial Arts training but master J- said I should watch first before I enter. So I watched and I learned a lot of things from watching like the payong, the mano-a-mano basics (and a simple application), some footwork, and some principles in espada y daga. But I can't do the espada y daga yet. At most I can copy almost all their single-stick moves. But I need to learn it with muscle memory. Also I couldn't memorize the thirteen strikes after seeing it thrice already.
So today a lot of things happened on Facebook. Mostly just chatted with people saying congratulations. I'm happy about that, but also tired. I'm sad that she still doesn't want to talk to me.
Anyway let's go back to yesterday first. I went to join the Filipino Martial Arts training but master J- said I should watch first before I enter. So I watched and I learned a lot of things from watching like the payong, the mano-a-mano basics (and a simple application), some footwork, and some principles in espada y daga. But I can't do the espada y daga yet. At most I can copy almost all their single-stick moves. But I need to learn it with muscle memory. Also I couldn't memorize the thirteen strikes after seeing it thrice already.
So today a lot of things happened on Facebook. Mostly just chatted with people saying congratulations. I'm happy about that, but also tired. I'm sad that she still doesn't want to talk to me.
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
June 23 2015 Tuesday
Clearance is almost done! Ma'am H- has signed already, and now all we need is to wait for Doc C- and order a Gas-tight syringe for ma'am E-.
I met C- again in Engg. But I didn't talk to her. I don't landi everyone I meet. Really. Although I do find her attractive, even when I first met her along one of Engg's long corridors. I find a lot of people attractive anyway.
I'm inviting people to dinner! I ask if they're free on this certain date and I invite them. And it's amusing how they all assume it's free. I never said it. I'd like to think that they're going there to have dinner with me. Especially since I probably won't be talking to all of them. When I think that they're going there for the food I feel sad. Sigh. I guess that's how the king felt in one of Jesus' parables. Except I'm not a king.
I'll be making a facebook event soon. Probably tomorrow.
Also SM Fairview is a bit far for most people. It's slightly sad that the princess won't come. Although we talked a little! haha
Anyway what's really sad is she's unsure. She's the one I really want to go there. Half the reason I agreed to my parents. She's always like that though, so no surprise. I just want her to enjoy the night. Not like I'm gonna do anything. I can't, even if I wanted to. I'm still praying for a miracle.
I met C- again in Engg. But I didn't talk to her. I don't landi everyone I meet. Really. Although I do find her attractive, even when I first met her along one of Engg's long corridors. I find a lot of people attractive anyway.
I'm inviting people to dinner! I ask if they're free on this certain date and I invite them. And it's amusing how they all assume it's free. I never said it. I'd like to think that they're going there to have dinner with me. Especially since I probably won't be talking to all of them. When I think that they're going there for the food I feel sad. Sigh. I guess that's how the king felt in one of Jesus' parables. Except I'm not a king.
I'll be making a facebook event soon. Probably tomorrow.
Also SM Fairview is a bit far for most people. It's slightly sad that the princess won't come. Although we talked a little! haha
Anyway what's really sad is she's unsure. She's the one I really want to go there. Half the reason I agreed to my parents. She's always like that though, so no surprise. I just want her to enjoy the night. Not like I'm gonna do anything. I can't, even if I wanted to. I'm still praying for a miracle.
Monday, June 22, 2015
June 22 2015 Monday
Today is a very interesting day. We had a summa photoshoot so I met almost all 29 of them. I can't remember all of them though, but I'd probably know them by face. I was listening and people-watching mostly.
P- was still pretty as usual. Her quietness makes her so mysterious and attractive. There were bibos there too (C- from BAA I think and Y- from BS Psych) so it was more or less lively. Also there's Ca-r from CS, Em- and J- from somewhere I forgot (they're not together), B- from BA Psych, and Ca-a from Bio, I think. I also met Ch- there. I always see her when I'm in engg, esp. during ES days. I was surprised when she came.
I also tasted chokiss for free! There was the white chocolate flavor, and then the mocha I think. I wasn't able to taste the one with the small bit of mango. Both were good though. Not to sweet, not to soft.
Also finally some concrete progress with clearance! I paid the univ grad fee and also the lab waste disposal and then had ma'am julie's signature. When I finish filtering the GO-water we would have FETS signature and finally ma'am RdL's. However, ma'am Emma's still remains elusive due to our need to order a gas-tight syringe.
Yesterday, nothing much happened. Except maybe we talked to the mother and daughter Batalla. It's amazing and interesting how the mother is suffering from that but still manages to be so cheerful.
P- was still pretty as usual. Her quietness makes her so mysterious and attractive. There were bibos there too (C- from BAA I think and Y- from BS Psych) so it was more or less lively. Also there's Ca-r from CS, Em- and J- from somewhere I forgot (they're not together), B- from BA Psych, and Ca-a from Bio, I think. I also met Ch- there. I always see her when I'm in engg, esp. during ES days. I was surprised when she came.
I also tasted chokiss for free! There was the white chocolate flavor, and then the mocha I think. I wasn't able to taste the one with the small bit of mango. Both were good though. Not to sweet, not to soft.
Also finally some concrete progress with clearance! I paid the univ grad fee and also the lab waste disposal and then had ma'am julie's signature. When I finish filtering the GO-water we would have FETS signature and finally ma'am RdL's. However, ma'am Emma's still remains elusive due to our need to order a gas-tight syringe.
Yesterday, nothing much happened. Except maybe we talked to the mother and daughter Batalla. It's amazing and interesting how the mother is suffering from that but still manages to be so cheerful.
Sunday, June 21, 2015
June 20, 2015 Saturday
It's been another 9 days and a lot of things happened but I was too lazy to write them all. I'm reconstructing this from memory and from past tweets (I tweet a lot when I don't blog because it's waaay shorter and more convenient to do. Of course the memories aren't as clear.)
June 12 2015 Friday
The morning before we left Caliraya my dad and I biked together on a parallel bike. It was a good few kilometers but I'm sad that we couldn't reach the end because the bike isn't really maintained that well (it's the oil I think, I don't know much about bikes). It was too hard that we needed to stop and rest under a tree midway. And the birds there were flying so near us. And then we went back to the hotel and wanted to fish but it was in the dam and it was too far away. So we just stayed in the hotel and lounged in the windy balcony staring at the portion of the golf course and far off to the plains and mountain ranges beyond. But mostly I was staring at the clouds and the blue sky. It was really beautiful.
And my dad and I talked a lot there, but mostly he did the talking. He asked some things in the first few minutes and I thought that maybe it might veer towards lovelife which is very complicated right now (mostly just me) but then the topic stayed there about the future and church and spiritual things and things he wanted to do in the past and things he wants for me and things like that. And I liked that because we haven't talked about it for so long. And I understand a lot more now, even though what he said was just the same things years ago. Good thing it didn't go towards lovelife because I'm still teetering in that aspect (although more stable now).
One important thing for me though was that part when I said that I didn't want to do ministry anymore because I didn't do ministry back then when I was a kid. It's one of my frustrations, because I wanted to serve the church when I was a kid (in retrospect it was a pride-tainted desire) and my mother wouldn't let me because she wanted me to study. And one day I just gave it up, the desire to serve in the church. Then my dad said, that it doesn't matter now what the decision was back then because they're not stopping me anymore. And this, this was what struck me - that it was my ministry back then to obey. Actually I cried in a jeepney long ago about obeying my parents (it was a PIChE dinner and kuya jape gave a blow out in Steveston's and they gave me blue pizza the next time we met which I liked). I really struggled about that but it was clear as day in the Bible that Children, obey your parents for this is pleasing in the sight of God. (Although yes Jesus did say that if you don't hate your father or mother then you are not worthy to become my disciple. That's a long discussion but the bottomline is obey as long as it's not sin. Even if it's unreasonable). And that was my ministry then, to obey my parents and to be a student. And to say that being a student is not a valid ministry is not understanding God at all.
But still I don't know what to do in church ministry so I dont think I'll be doing that any time soon. Although I do have the plan in mind, which I told dad. The Lord will direct my steps.
Oh and the breakfast at caliraya is nothing exceptional but their vinegar is really good, even better than sukang paombong. It has the perfect sting of mild in my opinion. Or maybe that's just for bangus.
And then we went home and it was a very very long trip. When we got home we pretty much returned to normal life.
I was waiting for my groupmates to text me about the result but they didn't so I figured it was a no.
June 13 2015 Saturday
I think this was when CASAA burned. I think this is also when we went with sir J- to SM Fairview (where we met at food court and then had merienda at Zark's and sir would take bill it on him as usual) and Fairview Terraces. It was my first time at Zark's and I'm really interested now since their burgers are so big.
And then we went to Fairview Terraces to go to Timezone and play and the Timezone at the ground floor was really small so we went up to the fourth floor but the Timezone wasn't really big there too either and all the karaoke booths were filled so sir J- and Rojen danced and Aaron Tekkened and UMVC'd as usual and I didn't play a lot as usual because I just enjoy accompanying people and watch them play and have fun. Although I did like the air hockey and the shooting game. Oh and the pang pang paradise too.
Then we had dinner at Seafood Island (one of my dream restaurants because I like seafood) and we ordered boodle fight and sir treated us to another 1k worth of food. The food was really good and it was enough for all of us. There was squid and shrimp and tahong I think and scallops and crab and yellow rice and daing. Of course the pork part I don't know. I think there was barbecue. Anyway I really enjoyed that. And then we talked about a lot of things and I heard about sir J-'s love life and sir J-y's love life with some IE prof (when I asked him he said it wasn't true). And a lot more things which I probably won't remember. That's me. Some memories don't linger, but my feelings do. (except when i'm in acads mode)
June 14 2015 Sunday - June 15 2015 Monday
Nothing much except I tried to make a speech to no avail. I just lounged around and tried to think of something really cool and did nothing. In the end I decided to just be straightforward and say what I want to say. It was a really boring speech but at least I said something. Of course it included the gospel.
I think it was also around this time that I was studying Waray with Tracy. Ah no, I stopped studying Waray during this time because I was lounging around waiting for inspiration.
June 16 2015 Tuesday
Also during the whole week I was also doing some lab clearance.
June 17 2015 Wednesday
Today is auditions day. I did some lab clearance and cleaning in the afternoon before that and I helped Ran clean some of their stuff in the lab.
Today I met a very interesting person. P-. She's a fellow summa from film (the only one in their department). She's quite the eyecatcher. In fact, the moment I entered abelardo hall I already noticed her. She sat there alone in her lovely black dress reading her script quietly. But I didn't really take a good look at her until when we talked because I'm trying to spare myself the temptations. Never would I have dreamed that she'd talk to me first. But I guess she was bored so she did and we made some small talk about where we live and siblings and parents and reactions and speech preparation and future plans. It's really nice to talk to her because I know she'd understand.
Anyway there were only 13 of us and 9 of them were from film and I think there was one from BAA and I don't know the other one.
And tonight I talked to her and I'm very happy. Of course she was still giving short replies but it's better now. By a little. And she changed her profile picture to her gradpic which is very very pretty and cute. The smile is just heartmelting. I don't see why it's not getting the number of likes it should get.
June 18 2015 Thursday
I did some clearance and cleaning here. Oh and I got the grad ring. I cleaned it using FETS ultrasonic cleaner. When I wear it I feel powerful.
The sablay is nice since it's handwoven. Seems legit.
I also talked to Marion and she said a lot of her rants. During that, Monique came and I wanted to talk to her too but my attention was focused so I didn't talk to her.
June 19 2015 Friday
It's gradbash day and I did some clearance in the morning. I filtered all the GO-waste in the big container (I still have the small container left) and also asked for a billing of our sulfide/sulfite wastes. We also slightly celebrated ma'am's birthday.
Although the cake was not too sweet (just the right sweetness because you can feel the real cocoa in your tongue), it's incredibly dense and heavy on the stomach such that I only ate one and a half slices.
Then I went to Ministop and met with astro and nate and esge to go to gradbash. When we went there I wore my coat but I didn't know how to tie a tie because I deleted the phone app. Anyway the place is very big and we sat at the corner. The food isn't generous but we managed to sneak a second round. Also the viand was made of pork so I couldn't eat them except for the fish fillet with something sauce. The fish fillet is good, although the butter and cream in the sauce stands out too much.
We left at around 10:00 PM and went to Astro's house. But before we left I took a picture with Sarah. Hahaha. But I didn't take pictures with lots of people like what the others did because I want to spend time with my friends. We haven't seen and hung around with each other in so long and it's worth it. We picked up Carla, Isma, and Cudia in Ever McDo.
Izo was there already (he said it was awkward, and that he was having dinner with Astro's mom).
Cudia fell asleep early, and so did Izo (although that's already around 12mn I think). We watched The Ring (japanese w/ subtitles) and Daily Life of High School Boys and a star cinema film I think. Can't remember, but it was Erich Gonzales and the male lead was supposed to be some thai person. We also watched Confessions and it was very intense. I wish we watched it earlier though, since I fell asleep in the middle of the film.
Anyway when I asked Tracy (evening of the next day actually) what we missed in the party, she said it was boring except for the games. And these games were sensual so it was a good thing I wasn't there (I can't handle those, remember?). So apparently there was this pair of dice, one with actions (kiss, lick, suck) and the other with body parts (lips, chest, neck, chin, etc etc). I asked what happened then retracted my question because I don't want to imagine it.
Thank God that I can do this now. But it's really sad how people find those things entertaining. They probably think as long as they're not doing the thing then it's alright. But Christ would say "whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." What more if we play with the fire of sensuality?
Also thank God we left early. I don't think I can walk away from that unscarred. Maybe I can't even walk away from that, knowing myself.
June 20, 2015 Today
Today is my favorite day. So we woke up and had breakfast. And over breakfast we shared the gospel to the barkada. This is a dream come true! I've been praying for this for so long now. And I'm glad God allowed me to be there. I'm really happy. Now I'm sure God hears my prayers. Including my prayer for her to be saved. Of course I also pray for my other friends like the star and Tracy and even L- but I pray for her the most.
Well of course Isma began with his testimony, aka how he met Christ. How he almost killed a man. It was the biggest opportunity since he quit alcohol and smoking and drugs and sex. Then Izo went and asked questions (all the while being Izo) and Carla did too. In the end we shared the whole gospel and more. We met at a dead end because they didn't want to accept God's Sovereignty and Man's Responsibility.
It's sad though that Aaron and David and Yeyel weren't there. Anyway God is Sovereign and I'm sure they will hear about it too. I will keep on praying.
As for me, my testimony isn't that splendid. Haha. But I have faith that God will change me to the end. It is He who began this work in me, and He will surely carry it to completion.
That's most of it actually. Very short but easily one of my most favorite days.
When I went home I'm still full from breakfast in Astro's house (rice and spam and corned beef and sardines). So I just ate pasta in Manang's Chicken.
When I went home I fell asleep while grooming. I also played one game in LoL with Isma that night and it was a splendid Diana mid (vs Cassiopeia). K/D/A was 22/5/15 and I managed to complete my bruiser Diana build (RoA Nashor Athene Zhonya) for the first time. I also took the 2 120-Ap items rabaddon and luden's so my AP reached 909 (no boots at end game, yes). Anyway my Diana is now champion mastery 5 (Destroyer Diana) and that's really cool.
It took me quite a while to write this. I also want to write something about God's Sovereignty and exposition in Romans 9.
June 12 2015 Friday
The morning before we left Caliraya my dad and I biked together on a parallel bike. It was a good few kilometers but I'm sad that we couldn't reach the end because the bike isn't really maintained that well (it's the oil I think, I don't know much about bikes). It was too hard that we needed to stop and rest under a tree midway. And the birds there were flying so near us. And then we went back to the hotel and wanted to fish but it was in the dam and it was too far away. So we just stayed in the hotel and lounged in the windy balcony staring at the portion of the golf course and far off to the plains and mountain ranges beyond. But mostly I was staring at the clouds and the blue sky. It was really beautiful.
And my dad and I talked a lot there, but mostly he did the talking. He asked some things in the first few minutes and I thought that maybe it might veer towards lovelife which is very complicated right now (mostly just me) but then the topic stayed there about the future and church and spiritual things and things he wanted to do in the past and things he wants for me and things like that. And I liked that because we haven't talked about it for so long. And I understand a lot more now, even though what he said was just the same things years ago. Good thing it didn't go towards lovelife because I'm still teetering in that aspect (although more stable now).
One important thing for me though was that part when I said that I didn't want to do ministry anymore because I didn't do ministry back then when I was a kid. It's one of my frustrations, because I wanted to serve the church when I was a kid (in retrospect it was a pride-tainted desire) and my mother wouldn't let me because she wanted me to study. And one day I just gave it up, the desire to serve in the church. Then my dad said, that it doesn't matter now what the decision was back then because they're not stopping me anymore. And this, this was what struck me - that it was my ministry back then to obey. Actually I cried in a jeepney long ago about obeying my parents (it was a PIChE dinner and kuya jape gave a blow out in Steveston's and they gave me blue pizza the next time we met which I liked). I really struggled about that but it was clear as day in the Bible that Children, obey your parents for this is pleasing in the sight of God. (Although yes Jesus did say that if you don't hate your father or mother then you are not worthy to become my disciple. That's a long discussion but the bottomline is obey as long as it's not sin. Even if it's unreasonable). And that was my ministry then, to obey my parents and to be a student. And to say that being a student is not a valid ministry is not understanding God at all.
But still I don't know what to do in church ministry so I dont think I'll be doing that any time soon. Although I do have the plan in mind, which I told dad. The Lord will direct my steps.
Oh and the breakfast at caliraya is nothing exceptional but their vinegar is really good, even better than sukang paombong. It has the perfect sting of mild in my opinion. Or maybe that's just for bangus.
And then we went home and it was a very very long trip. When we got home we pretty much returned to normal life.
I was waiting for my groupmates to text me about the result but they didn't so I figured it was a no.
June 13 2015 Saturday
I think this was when CASAA burned. I think this is also when we went with sir J- to SM Fairview (where we met at food court and then had merienda at Zark's and sir would take bill it on him as usual) and Fairview Terraces. It was my first time at Zark's and I'm really interested now since their burgers are so big.
And then we went to Fairview Terraces to go to Timezone and play and the Timezone at the ground floor was really small so we went up to the fourth floor but the Timezone wasn't really big there too either and all the karaoke booths were filled so sir J- and Rojen danced and Aaron Tekkened and UMVC'd as usual and I didn't play a lot as usual because I just enjoy accompanying people and watch them play and have fun. Although I did like the air hockey and the shooting game. Oh and the pang pang paradise too.
Then we had dinner at Seafood Island (one of my dream restaurants because I like seafood) and we ordered boodle fight and sir treated us to another 1k worth of food. The food was really good and it was enough for all of us. There was squid and shrimp and tahong I think and scallops and crab and yellow rice and daing. Of course the pork part I don't know. I think there was barbecue. Anyway I really enjoyed that. And then we talked about a lot of things and I heard about sir J-'s love life and sir J-y's love life with some IE prof (when I asked him he said it wasn't true). And a lot more things which I probably won't remember. That's me. Some memories don't linger, but my feelings do. (except when i'm in acads mode)
June 14 2015 Sunday - June 15 2015 Monday
Nothing much except I tried to make a speech to no avail. I just lounged around and tried to think of something really cool and did nothing. In the end I decided to just be straightforward and say what I want to say. It was a really boring speech but at least I said something. Of course it included the gospel.
I think it was also around this time that I was studying Waray with Tracy. Ah no, I stopped studying Waray during this time because I was lounging around waiting for inspiration.
June 16 2015 Tuesday
Also during the whole week I was also doing some lab clearance.
June 17 2015 Wednesday
Today is auditions day. I did some lab clearance and cleaning in the afternoon before that and I helped Ran clean some of their stuff in the lab.
Today I met a very interesting person. P-. She's a fellow summa from film (the only one in their department). She's quite the eyecatcher. In fact, the moment I entered abelardo hall I already noticed her. She sat there alone in her lovely black dress reading her script quietly. But I didn't really take a good look at her until when we talked because I'm trying to spare myself the temptations. Never would I have dreamed that she'd talk to me first. But I guess she was bored so she did and we made some small talk about where we live and siblings and parents and reactions and speech preparation and future plans. It's really nice to talk to her because I know she'd understand.
Anyway there were only 13 of us and 9 of them were from film and I think there was one from BAA and I don't know the other one.
And tonight I talked to her and I'm very happy. Of course she was still giving short replies but it's better now. By a little. And she changed her profile picture to her gradpic which is very very pretty and cute. The smile is just heartmelting. I don't see why it's not getting the number of likes it should get.
June 18 2015 Thursday
I did some clearance and cleaning here. Oh and I got the grad ring. I cleaned it using FETS ultrasonic cleaner. When I wear it I feel powerful.
The sablay is nice since it's handwoven. Seems legit.
I also talked to Marion and she said a lot of her rants. During that, Monique came and I wanted to talk to her too but my attention was focused so I didn't talk to her.
June 19 2015 Friday
It's gradbash day and I did some clearance in the morning. I filtered all the GO-waste in the big container (I still have the small container left) and also asked for a billing of our sulfide/sulfite wastes. We also slightly celebrated ma'am's birthday.
Although the cake was not too sweet (just the right sweetness because you can feel the real cocoa in your tongue), it's incredibly dense and heavy on the stomach such that I only ate one and a half slices.
Then I went to Ministop and met with astro and nate and esge to go to gradbash. When we went there I wore my coat but I didn't know how to tie a tie because I deleted the phone app. Anyway the place is very big and we sat at the corner. The food isn't generous but we managed to sneak a second round. Also the viand was made of pork so I couldn't eat them except for the fish fillet with something sauce. The fish fillet is good, although the butter and cream in the sauce stands out too much.
We left at around 10:00 PM and went to Astro's house. But before we left I took a picture with Sarah. Hahaha. But I didn't take pictures with lots of people like what the others did because I want to spend time with my friends. We haven't seen and hung around with each other in so long and it's worth it. We picked up Carla, Isma, and Cudia in Ever McDo.
Izo was there already (he said it was awkward, and that he was having dinner with Astro's mom).
Cudia fell asleep early, and so did Izo (although that's already around 12mn I think). We watched The Ring (japanese w/ subtitles) and Daily Life of High School Boys and a star cinema film I think. Can't remember, but it was Erich Gonzales and the male lead was supposed to be some thai person. We also watched Confessions and it was very intense. I wish we watched it earlier though, since I fell asleep in the middle of the film.
Anyway when I asked Tracy (evening of the next day actually) what we missed in the party, she said it was boring except for the games. And these games were sensual so it was a good thing I wasn't there (I can't handle those, remember?). So apparently there was this pair of dice, one with actions (kiss, lick, suck) and the other with body parts (lips, chest, neck, chin, etc etc). I asked what happened then retracted my question because I don't want to imagine it.
Thank God that I can do this now. But it's really sad how people find those things entertaining. They probably think as long as they're not doing the thing then it's alright. But Christ would say "whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." What more if we play with the fire of sensuality?
Also thank God we left early. I don't think I can walk away from that unscarred. Maybe I can't even walk away from that, knowing myself.
June 20, 2015 Today
Today is my favorite day. So we woke up and had breakfast. And over breakfast we shared the gospel to the barkada. This is a dream come true! I've been praying for this for so long now. And I'm glad God allowed me to be there. I'm really happy. Now I'm sure God hears my prayers. Including my prayer for her to be saved. Of course I also pray for my other friends like the star and Tracy and even L- but I pray for her the most.
Well of course Isma began with his testimony, aka how he met Christ. How he almost killed a man. It was the biggest opportunity since he quit alcohol and smoking and drugs and sex. Then Izo went and asked questions (all the while being Izo) and Carla did too. In the end we shared the whole gospel and more. We met at a dead end because they didn't want to accept God's Sovereignty and Man's Responsibility.
It's sad though that Aaron and David and Yeyel weren't there. Anyway God is Sovereign and I'm sure they will hear about it too. I will keep on praying.
As for me, my testimony isn't that splendid. Haha. But I have faith that God will change me to the end. It is He who began this work in me, and He will surely carry it to completion.
That's most of it actually. Very short but easily one of my most favorite days.
When I went home I'm still full from breakfast in Astro's house (rice and spam and corned beef and sardines). So I just ate pasta in Manang's Chicken.
When I went home I fell asleep while grooming. I also played one game in LoL with Isma that night and it was a splendid Diana mid (vs Cassiopeia). K/D/A was 22/5/15 and I managed to complete my bruiser Diana build (RoA Nashor Athene Zhonya) for the first time. I also took the 2 120-Ap items rabaddon and luden's so my AP reached 909 (no boots at end game, yes). Anyway my Diana is now champion mastery 5 (Destroyer Diana) and that's really cool.
It took me quite a while to write this. I also want to write something about God's Sovereignty and exposition in Romans 9.
Friday, June 12, 2015
June 11 2015 Thursday
Today we went to Caliraya. My groupmates stayed for UPC. However, tonight I received no notification. So I guess my prayer wasn't granted. That means we have to pay a lot.
Anyway Caliraya is fun! We woke up 4:30 AM, left home around 5:30 then ate breakfast at chowking in cubao and left for laguna at 7:30. We arrive at the terminal-ish around 10:30 and then rode a tricycle and arrived there at 11:30. Alnost 12 actually. Anyway we met with my mother's friend's family (the daughter is my brother's batchmate) and we tried the zipline hanging bridge, kayak, paddle boat, and swimming. To be honest it wasn't much of an activity place as it is to wind up. A lot of activities were unavailable, actually.
Here's a video of the zipline:
The scenery is lovely, as the hotel overlooks the golf course below and the mountain ranges in the far end. The other viewing deck beholds the dam and faces the afternoon breeze. The air is clean here; no colloidal dust can be seen as the sunrays beam through the ephemeral spots in the clouds above then through the gaps in the leaves below, casting a sharp shadow on the soft loamy soil. I really like the tranquility and serenity of the place, with all the chirping birds and crowing crows and crickets and perhaps partially owing to the fact that it is just us here in the resort. It's not as nature trip as banahaw but it's also nice, having a resort all to yourselves.
I also tried darts and I'm getting the hang of it. But I only hit the inner ring, not the bullseye. I need more practice.
I fell asleep rather quickly. I am a bit tired because I paddled in both the kayak and the paddleboat and I practiced kicking in the swimming pool. And I also saw a horse earlier and I took a fairy tail-esque picture of it. And here it is.
Anyway Caliraya is fun! We woke up 4:30 AM, left home around 5:30 then ate breakfast at chowking in cubao and left for laguna at 7:30. We arrive at the terminal-ish around 10:30 and then rode a tricycle and arrived there at 11:30. Alnost 12 actually. Anyway we met with my mother's friend's family (the daughter is my brother's batchmate) and we tried the zipline hanging bridge, kayak, paddle boat, and swimming. To be honest it wasn't much of an activity place as it is to wind up. A lot of activities were unavailable, actually.
Here's a video of the zipline:
The scenery is lovely, as the hotel overlooks the golf course below and the mountain ranges in the far end. The other viewing deck beholds the dam and faces the afternoon breeze. The air is clean here; no colloidal dust can be seen as the sunrays beam through the ephemeral spots in the clouds above then through the gaps in the leaves below, casting a sharp shadow on the soft loamy soil. I really like the tranquility and serenity of the place, with all the chirping birds and crowing crows and crickets and perhaps partially owing to the fact that it is just us here in the resort. It's not as nature trip as banahaw but it's also nice, having a resort all to yourselves.
I also tried darts and I'm getting the hang of it. But I only hit the inner ring, not the bullseye. I need more practice.
I fell asleep rather quickly. I am a bit tired because I paddled in both the kayak and the paddleboat and I practiced kicking in the swimming pool. And I also saw a horse earlier and I took a fairy tail-esque picture of it. And here it is.
Thursday, June 11, 2015
June 10 2015 Wednesday
Today I went to DChE. But I didn't do much. Just saw the 77,000 in person and talked to ma'am but I guess it was already done before.
There was nothing much today except I woke up at 12:30 the next day for no apparent reason. And I talked to Trace a bit. Oh also I asked her some questions about beautiful people. It's interesting to think about. Apparently, people don't just realize "hey I'm beautiful," but they learn to take compliments (presumably one at a time). If this world gave a lot more compliments then everybody would feel beautiful. And then most of my questions she doesn't really know. But she also said that sometimes she dislikes that she only gets noticed for her beauty. And I think it's interesting that it's real. Although most people would always say "I like you for your personality" or whatever. And it's really hard to differentiate.
Tbh I think a lot of ChE people are pretty.
I also talked to astro yesterday. It escaped my mind a bit because it was a failed LMP meetup. Anyway he's still mostly the same and we went to area2 and coffee hubbed and snack shacked and played card games. There's small chismis about EEE esp. J- which is a sad and good thing. And we talked about future plans and their possibility of straight to PhD program which is nice. We also talked about isma and I hope that astro will hear his testimony. I want to hear that too. Our God is amazing.
Sometimes I want to fall into depravity thinking maybe God will save me then I will have a great testimony. But so what if it happens to other people? So what if it does not happen to me? What is that to me? I will follow Him. Let Him do whatever He pleases; and so shall He do it, for He is Sovereign. Whatever He does is good, and He will work all things for the good of those who love Him.
Anyway, John Piper's definition of saving faith is really good. Traditionally, saving faith is defined as believing in Jesus as Lord and Savior. But then Piper adds that saving faith is believing in Jesus as a treasure.
A treasure you'd forsake everything you have. That's perfect. That's exactly Christ's description of the kingdom of heaven. I have been wondering for so long how it fits in and here it is, plain as day.
When I woke up around 12:30 I was constipated. Didn't sleep till 2:30. Anyway it's sad how some people are so quick to judge. Especially when they only hear one side. I want to hear the other side tbh but I think it'd be considered meddling already.
There was nothing much today except I woke up at 12:30 the next day for no apparent reason. And I talked to Trace a bit. Oh also I asked her some questions about beautiful people. It's interesting to think about. Apparently, people don't just realize "hey I'm beautiful," but they learn to take compliments (presumably one at a time). If this world gave a lot more compliments then everybody would feel beautiful. And then most of my questions she doesn't really know. But she also said that sometimes she dislikes that she only gets noticed for her beauty. And I think it's interesting that it's real. Although most people would always say "I like you for your personality" or whatever. And it's really hard to differentiate.
Tbh I think a lot of ChE people are pretty.
I also talked to astro yesterday. It escaped my mind a bit because it was a failed LMP meetup. Anyway he's still mostly the same and we went to area2 and coffee hubbed and snack shacked and played card games. There's small chismis about EEE esp. J- which is a sad and good thing. And we talked about future plans and their possibility of straight to PhD program which is nice. We also talked about isma and I hope that astro will hear his testimony. I want to hear that too. Our God is amazing.
Sometimes I want to fall into depravity thinking maybe God will save me then I will have a great testimony. But so what if it happens to other people? So what if it does not happen to me? What is that to me? I will follow Him. Let Him do whatever He pleases; and so shall He do it, for He is Sovereign. Whatever He does is good, and He will work all things for the good of those who love Him.
Anyway, John Piper's definition of saving faith is really good. Traditionally, saving faith is defined as believing in Jesus as Lord and Savior. But then Piper adds that saving faith is believing in Jesus as a treasure.
A treasure you'd forsake everything you have. That's perfect. That's exactly Christ's description of the kingdom of heaven. I have been wondering for so long how it fits in and here it is, plain as day.
When I woke up around 12:30 I was constipated. Didn't sleep till 2:30. Anyway it's sad how some people are so quick to judge. Especially when they only hear one side. I want to hear the other side tbh but I think it'd be considered meddling already.
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
June 9 2015 Tuesday
It's been soooo long and I have a lot to tell. I guess that's fine because boring days are coming.
I don't really have things to look forward to. I've lost passion for things long ago. Now I only have her and God is telling me again to give her up.
No, it doesn't mean I'll cut off all connections with her, but rather turn this devotion toward God instead. I still want to serve her and minister to her as I have always done (not that she likes it; she's a very independent woman. And I like that about her too. I like everything about her anyway.). And I'll do that to the end that she may know my Lord. But beyond that, such as pursuing a relationship with her, is beyond the question.
Anyway today I failed a lot. It was just morning apparently I forgot to clean my mess in the lab yesterday and then I feel so useless in UPC exhibit and I left the star in the lab.
Because I went to trinoma to hang out with petron friends. But before that it was raining really hard and I missed that kind of rain and that cold wind and that smell. But that was just for an hour.
And then we went watch the movie and there was piolo pascual and inigo i think. I'm not sure. Anyway the girls were screaming and then falling in line for a picture which I don't get. Joshua Harris would probably say it's a manifestation of lust. But then it's very subtle because it's socially acceptable. But social acceptability is not God's standard.
And then we went watched the movie which wasn't scary but more of shocking, even with the coffee fron Gong Cha that I drank.
And then we went to timezone which drained the life out of me because of all the noise. They went and played a lot of games and sang a little karaoke. For me I only tried the strength hammer thing. I got a 22 with my normal topload strike (2 hands though, I should try it with one). I don't think I'll get 30 even if I swung my all. In comparison the girls got 17 and harry got 21. I guess my swings aren't that bad. But of course I need more training.
Then we ate at foodcourt and talked with Almeda about our faiths and it's nice that he's open, but I hope God makes him see the difference. It's really hard to see the differences when you think religion is about being a good person. But Christianity isn't really about man. Or human goodness. Or making people good. It's about God.
I'm really sad that I can't dance with her on thursday. I'm jealous too. But I have to give it up. First and foremost I want her saved. Even if we don't end up together, I hope God grants me that much. I pray this in the name of Christ, the true and faithful one, the Amen. I actually invited her to church but of course she wouldn't come. I won't give up though. God is relentless in His pursuit and so shall I be.
Why give it up? Because she's taking a place in my heart that should be reserved for God alone. I long for her so badly that she has become my source of happiness. Now that's well and good except that that happiness does not transform to praise and thanksgiving for God. And that is the fine line between enjoying God and idolatry. I can't even think of God when I'm with her.
About UPC, it's nice that Elise gave way to the alphabetical thing. The star and I talked about it and she was really annoyed and so was I but when I rode the FX and mulled over the Word I remembered for some reason "honor to whom honor is due." Which means whatever happens God should get the honor. And of course it set my mind on what to do. Actually I texted the star my thoughts and it goes something along the lines of
Honor to whom honor is due
God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble
Vengeance is mine, says the Lord.
Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who have sinned against us.
Which means.... pretty obvious.
Anyway all this talk didn't really amount to anything because elise went with the alphabetical. Which I didn't really expect, to be honest.
Anyway the star and I talked about this over kebab (persian grill maginhawa). It's good food actually. Kinda lingers on the mouth and breath though. I invited her to dinner that night and she wore a really nice dress. I wore my favorite polo shirt but I guess it wasn't really as nice as hers. I have terrible fashion sense.
And then there was this night that I couldn't sleep. Well actually I stumbled that night. I know what I mean. But for some reason I woke up at around 12 mn and couldn't sleep so I checked my grades. And I had a 2 in CW10 and 1 in thesis and PD. I computed my CWA and I got 1.19. Summa. But later on I met sir Jonas and he said I wouldn't have been summa if I had below 2.25 in CW10. I'm really happy actually. And then I wanted to long post but was too lazy. I'll save it for when everything is over.
That night I also talked to T- and her issues with her batchmates. That's really terrible but I'm rooting for her. Anyway we also talked about future plans and about how C- confessed and then before I went to sleep around 4am (yes we talked for about 4 hours) she said that she liked me back then. And I was like WOAH WTFUDGE ARE YOU SERIOUS OR ARE YOU KIDDING ME because she said it so nonchalantly. But all I typed was "really?" which is probably the suckiest thing to say. I'm really surprised because she's out of my league being so pretty and all, and I'm not really popular with girls (what with my looks hahaha) and I thought all she thought was that I was a friend. She never really expressed it, I think, but then again I'm one hundred thousand times denser than water. And anyway back then I liked courtney who really thought that. These things were before friendzone was a term.
Girls are complicated.
And I think the night after that I talked to Tracy for quite a while too but I was mostly sabaw and she's like tolerating it haha. But she's nice like I thought. Although it's weird that she still stays up late. Which is good for me because I was doing the tarp content back then.
It's weird because you can't talk about random things to guys because guys usually have that one thing they talk about like basketball or manga or whatever fills their pride and I think it gets boring after a while. That's the idea of bonding. But I don't get attached to any one thing so it's a problem for me. Also I'm not one to fill my pride but I must admit that I like it when people notice things I do. Especially the little things. Girls on the other hand can talk a lot about life or anything in general.
Thesis and PD submission was anticlimactic. Also I've been numbing myself with LoL. But I'm planning on playing only when my brother invites.
I installed K9 on my laptop and I will also quit on mangareader because it's unhealthy for my spirit. I am very weak. Especially against lust. At least I got webtoons which are not revealing or anything.
Anyway that's it for now. If I remember anything I'll add it in the next days. I want to write creative things soon too.
edit: she can't come pala for the dance too hahaha sad and happy at the same time xD
Also I remembered D-. I feel like a jerk. I don't know. I wish I knew what to do. I just acted normal but I guess that's impossible for D-. But I guess that's really how you move on.
All this first letter and a hyphen feels Les Miserables-ish.
Anyway I'm always reading john piper's book desiring God (about Christian Hedonism) which is a really good book. And it's free too, from the internet. I find desiringgod.org to be a really nice website. The book is good except for coining terms, that is. I don't like coined terms. But it's really biblically sound. I find the answers to some of the most perplexing conflicts in my mind, like "should I not feel happy for doing good things for it to be altruistic?" and those things.
I don't really have things to look forward to. I've lost passion for things long ago. Now I only have her and God is telling me again to give her up.
No, it doesn't mean I'll cut off all connections with her, but rather turn this devotion toward God instead. I still want to serve her and minister to her as I have always done (not that she likes it; she's a very independent woman. And I like that about her too. I like everything about her anyway.). And I'll do that to the end that she may know my Lord. But beyond that, such as pursuing a relationship with her, is beyond the question.
Anyway today I failed a lot. It was just morning apparently I forgot to clean my mess in the lab yesterday and then I feel so useless in UPC exhibit and I left the star in the lab.
Because I went to trinoma to hang out with petron friends. But before that it was raining really hard and I missed that kind of rain and that cold wind and that smell. But that was just for an hour.
And then we went watch the movie and there was piolo pascual and inigo i think. I'm not sure. Anyway the girls were screaming and then falling in line for a picture which I don't get. Joshua Harris would probably say it's a manifestation of lust. But then it's very subtle because it's socially acceptable. But social acceptability is not God's standard.
And then we went watched the movie which wasn't scary but more of shocking, even with the coffee fron Gong Cha that I drank.
And then we went to timezone which drained the life out of me because of all the noise. They went and played a lot of games and sang a little karaoke. For me I only tried the strength hammer thing. I got a 22 with my normal topload strike (2 hands though, I should try it with one). I don't think I'll get 30 even if I swung my all. In comparison the girls got 17 and harry got 21. I guess my swings aren't that bad. But of course I need more training.
Then we ate at foodcourt and talked with Almeda about our faiths and it's nice that he's open, but I hope God makes him see the difference. It's really hard to see the differences when you think religion is about being a good person. But Christianity isn't really about man. Or human goodness. Or making people good. It's about God.
I'm really sad that I can't dance with her on thursday. I'm jealous too. But I have to give it up. First and foremost I want her saved. Even if we don't end up together, I hope God grants me that much. I pray this in the name of Christ, the true and faithful one, the Amen. I actually invited her to church but of course she wouldn't come. I won't give up though. God is relentless in His pursuit and so shall I be.
Why give it up? Because she's taking a place in my heart that should be reserved for God alone. I long for her so badly that she has become my source of happiness. Now that's well and good except that that happiness does not transform to praise and thanksgiving for God. And that is the fine line between enjoying God and idolatry. I can't even think of God when I'm with her.
About UPC, it's nice that Elise gave way to the alphabetical thing. The star and I talked about it and she was really annoyed and so was I but when I rode the FX and mulled over the Word I remembered for some reason "honor to whom honor is due." Which means whatever happens God should get the honor. And of course it set my mind on what to do. Actually I texted the star my thoughts and it goes something along the lines of
Honor to whom honor is due
God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble
Vengeance is mine, says the Lord.
Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who have sinned against us.
Which means.... pretty obvious.
Anyway all this talk didn't really amount to anything because elise went with the alphabetical. Which I didn't really expect, to be honest.
Anyway the star and I talked about this over kebab (persian grill maginhawa). It's good food actually. Kinda lingers on the mouth and breath though. I invited her to dinner that night and she wore a really nice dress. I wore my favorite polo shirt but I guess it wasn't really as nice as hers. I have terrible fashion sense.
And then there was this night that I couldn't sleep. Well actually I stumbled that night. I know what I mean. But for some reason I woke up at around 12 mn and couldn't sleep so I checked my grades. And I had a 2 in CW10 and 1 in thesis and PD. I computed my CWA and I got 1.19. Summa. But later on I met sir Jonas and he said I wouldn't have been summa if I had below 2.25 in CW10. I'm really happy actually. And then I wanted to long post but was too lazy. I'll save it for when everything is over.
That night I also talked to T- and her issues with her batchmates. That's really terrible but I'm rooting for her. Anyway we also talked about future plans and about how C- confessed and then before I went to sleep around 4am (yes we talked for about 4 hours) she said that she liked me back then. And I was like WOAH WTFUDGE ARE YOU SERIOUS OR ARE YOU KIDDING ME because she said it so nonchalantly. But all I typed was "really?" which is probably the suckiest thing to say. I'm really surprised because she's out of my league being so pretty and all, and I'm not really popular with girls (what with my looks hahaha) and I thought all she thought was that I was a friend. She never really expressed it, I think, but then again I'm one hundred thousand times denser than water. And anyway back then I liked courtney who really thought that. These things were before friendzone was a term.
Girls are complicated.
And I think the night after that I talked to Tracy for quite a while too but I was mostly sabaw and she's like tolerating it haha. But she's nice like I thought. Although it's weird that she still stays up late. Which is good for me because I was doing the tarp content back then.
It's weird because you can't talk about random things to guys because guys usually have that one thing they talk about like basketball or manga or whatever fills their pride and I think it gets boring after a while. That's the idea of bonding. But I don't get attached to any one thing so it's a problem for me. Also I'm not one to fill my pride but I must admit that I like it when people notice things I do. Especially the little things. Girls on the other hand can talk a lot about life or anything in general.
Thesis and PD submission was anticlimactic. Also I've been numbing myself with LoL. But I'm planning on playing only when my brother invites.
I installed K9 on my laptop and I will also quit on mangareader because it's unhealthy for my spirit. I am very weak. Especially against lust. At least I got webtoons which are not revealing or anything.
Anyway that's it for now. If I remember anything I'll add it in the next days. I want to write creative things soon too.
edit: she can't come pala for the dance too hahaha sad and happy at the same time xD
Also I remembered D-. I feel like a jerk. I don't know. I wish I knew what to do. I just acted normal but I guess that's impossible for D-. But I guess that's really how you move on.
All this first letter and a hyphen feels Les Miserables-ish.
Anyway I'm always reading john piper's book desiring God (about Christian Hedonism) which is a really good book. And it's free too, from the internet. I find desiringgod.org to be a really nice website. The book is good except for coining terms, that is. I don't like coined terms. But it's really biblically sound. I find the answers to some of the most perplexing conflicts in my mind, like "should I not feel happy for doing good things for it to be altruistic?" and those things.
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