It's been soooo long and I have a lot to tell. I guess that's fine because boring days are coming.
I don't really have things to look forward to. I've lost passion for things long ago. Now I only have her and God is telling me again to give her up.
No, it doesn't mean I'll cut off all connections with her, but rather turn this devotion toward God instead. I still want to serve her and minister to her as I have always done (not that she likes it; she's a very independent woman. And I like that about her too. I like everything about her anyway.). And I'll do that to the end that she may know my Lord. But beyond that, such as pursuing a relationship with her, is beyond the question.
Anyway today I failed a lot. It was just morning apparently I forgot to clean my mess in the lab yesterday and then I feel so useless in UPC exhibit and I left the star in the lab.
Because I went to trinoma to hang out with petron friends. But before that it was raining really hard and I missed that kind of rain and that cold wind and that smell. But that was just for an hour.
And then we went watch the movie and there was piolo pascual and inigo i think. I'm not sure. Anyway the girls were screaming and then falling in line for a picture which I don't get. Joshua Harris would probably say it's a manifestation of lust. But then it's very subtle because it's socially acceptable. But social acceptability is not God's standard.
And then we went watched the movie which wasn't scary but more of shocking, even with the coffee fron Gong Cha that I drank.
And then we went to timezone which drained the life out of me because of all the noise. They went and played a lot of games and sang a little karaoke. For me I only tried the strength hammer thing. I got a 22 with my normal topload strike (2 hands though, I should try it with one). I don't think I'll get 30 even if I swung my all. In comparison the girls got 17 and harry got 21. I guess my swings aren't that bad. But of course I need more training.
Then we ate at foodcourt and talked with Almeda about our faiths and it's nice that he's open, but I hope God makes him see the difference. It's really hard to see the differences when you think religion is about being a good person. But Christianity isn't really about man. Or human goodness. Or making people good. It's about God.
I'm really sad that I can't dance with her on thursday. I'm jealous too. But I have to give it up. First and foremost I want her saved. Even if we don't end up together, I hope God grants me that much. I pray this in the name of Christ, the true and faithful one, the Amen. I actually invited her to church but of course she wouldn't come. I won't give up though. God is relentless in His pursuit and so shall I be.
Why give it up? Because she's taking a place in my heart that should be reserved for God alone. I long for her so badly that she has become my source of happiness. Now that's well and good except that that happiness does not transform to praise and thanksgiving for God. And that is the fine line between enjoying God and idolatry. I can't even think of God when I'm with her.
About UPC, it's nice that Elise gave way to the alphabetical thing. The star and I talked about it and she was really annoyed and so was I but when I rode the FX and mulled over the Word I remembered for some reason "honor to whom honor is due." Which means whatever happens God should get the honor. And of course it set my mind on what to do. Actually I texted the star my thoughts and it goes something along the lines of
Honor to whom honor is due
God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble
Vengeance is mine, says the Lord.
Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who have sinned against us.
Which means.... pretty obvious.
Anyway all this talk didn't really amount to anything because elise went with the alphabetical. Which I didn't really expect, to be honest.
Anyway the star and I talked about this over kebab (persian grill maginhawa). It's good food actually. Kinda lingers on the mouth and breath though. I invited her to dinner that night and she wore a really nice dress. I wore my favorite polo shirt but I guess it wasn't really as nice as hers. I have terrible fashion sense.
And then there was this night that I couldn't sleep. Well actually I stumbled that night. I know what I mean. But for some reason I woke up at around 12 mn and couldn't sleep so I checked my grades. And I had a 2 in CW10 and 1 in thesis and PD. I computed my CWA and I got 1.19. Summa. But later on I met sir Jonas and he said I wouldn't have been summa if I had below 2.25 in CW10. I'm really happy actually. And then I wanted to long post but was too lazy. I'll save it for when everything is over.
That night I also talked to T- and her issues with her batchmates. That's really terrible but I'm rooting for her. Anyway we also talked about future plans and about how C- confessed and then before I went to sleep around 4am (yes we talked for about 4 hours) she said that she liked me back then. And I was like WOAH WTFUDGE ARE YOU SERIOUS OR ARE YOU KIDDING ME because she said it so nonchalantly. But all I typed was "really?" which is probably the suckiest thing to say. I'm really surprised because she's out of my league being so pretty and all, and I'm not really popular with girls (what with my looks hahaha) and I thought all she thought was that I was a friend. She never really expressed it, I think, but then again I'm one hundred thousand times denser than water. And anyway back then I liked courtney who really thought that. These things were before friendzone was a term.
Girls are complicated.
And I think the night after that I talked to Tracy for quite a while too but I was mostly sabaw and she's like tolerating it haha. But she's nice like I thought. Although it's weird that she still stays up late. Which is good for me because I was doing the tarp content back then.
It's weird because you can't talk about random things to guys because guys usually have that one thing they talk about like basketball or manga or whatever fills their pride and I think it gets boring after a while. That's the idea of bonding. But I don't get attached to any one thing so it's a problem for me. Also I'm not one to fill my pride but I must admit that I like it when people notice things I do. Especially the little things. Girls on the other hand can talk a lot about life or anything in general.
Thesis and PD submission was anticlimactic. Also I've been numbing myself with LoL. But I'm planning on playing only when my brother invites.
I installed K9 on my laptop and I will also quit on mangareader because it's unhealthy for my spirit. I am very weak. Especially against lust. At least I got webtoons which are not revealing or anything.
Anyway that's it for now. If I remember anything I'll add it in the next days. I want to write creative things soon too.
edit: she can't come pala for the dance too hahaha sad and happy at the same time xD
Also I remembered D-. I feel like a jerk. I don't know. I wish I knew what to do. I just acted normal but I guess that's impossible for D-. But I guess that's really how you move on.
All this first letter and a hyphen feels Les Miserables-ish.
Anyway I'm always reading john piper's book desiring God (about Christian Hedonism) which is a really good book. And it's free too, from the internet. I find desiringgod.org to be a really nice website. The book is good except for coining terms, that is. I don't like coined terms. But it's really biblically sound. I find the answers to some of the most perplexing conflicts in my mind, like "should I not feel happy for doing good things for it to be altruistic?" and those things.
I don't really have things to look forward to. I've lost passion for things long ago. Now I only have her and God is telling me again to give her up.
No, it doesn't mean I'll cut off all connections with her, but rather turn this devotion toward God instead. I still want to serve her and minister to her as I have always done (not that she likes it; she's a very independent woman. And I like that about her too. I like everything about her anyway.). And I'll do that to the end that she may know my Lord. But beyond that, such as pursuing a relationship with her, is beyond the question.
Anyway today I failed a lot. It was just morning apparently I forgot to clean my mess in the lab yesterday and then I feel so useless in UPC exhibit and I left the star in the lab.
Because I went to trinoma to hang out with petron friends. But before that it was raining really hard and I missed that kind of rain and that cold wind and that smell. But that was just for an hour.
And then we went watch the movie and there was piolo pascual and inigo i think. I'm not sure. Anyway the girls were screaming and then falling in line for a picture which I don't get. Joshua Harris would probably say it's a manifestation of lust. But then it's very subtle because it's socially acceptable. But social acceptability is not God's standard.
And then we went watched the movie which wasn't scary but more of shocking, even with the coffee fron Gong Cha that I drank.
And then we went to timezone which drained the life out of me because of all the noise. They went and played a lot of games and sang a little karaoke. For me I only tried the strength hammer thing. I got a 22 with my normal topload strike (2 hands though, I should try it with one). I don't think I'll get 30 even if I swung my all. In comparison the girls got 17 and harry got 21. I guess my swings aren't that bad. But of course I need more training.
Then we ate at foodcourt and talked with Almeda about our faiths and it's nice that he's open, but I hope God makes him see the difference. It's really hard to see the differences when you think religion is about being a good person. But Christianity isn't really about man. Or human goodness. Or making people good. It's about God.
I'm really sad that I can't dance with her on thursday. I'm jealous too. But I have to give it up. First and foremost I want her saved. Even if we don't end up together, I hope God grants me that much. I pray this in the name of Christ, the true and faithful one, the Amen. I actually invited her to church but of course she wouldn't come. I won't give up though. God is relentless in His pursuit and so shall I be.
Why give it up? Because she's taking a place in my heart that should be reserved for God alone. I long for her so badly that she has become my source of happiness. Now that's well and good except that that happiness does not transform to praise and thanksgiving for God. And that is the fine line between enjoying God and idolatry. I can't even think of God when I'm with her.
About UPC, it's nice that Elise gave way to the alphabetical thing. The star and I talked about it and she was really annoyed and so was I but when I rode the FX and mulled over the Word I remembered for some reason "honor to whom honor is due." Which means whatever happens God should get the honor. And of course it set my mind on what to do. Actually I texted the star my thoughts and it goes something along the lines of
Honor to whom honor is due
God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble
Vengeance is mine, says the Lord.
Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who have sinned against us.
Which means.... pretty obvious.
Anyway all this talk didn't really amount to anything because elise went with the alphabetical. Which I didn't really expect, to be honest.
Anyway the star and I talked about this over kebab (persian grill maginhawa). It's good food actually. Kinda lingers on the mouth and breath though. I invited her to dinner that night and she wore a really nice dress. I wore my favorite polo shirt but I guess it wasn't really as nice as hers. I have terrible fashion sense.
And then there was this night that I couldn't sleep. Well actually I stumbled that night. I know what I mean. But for some reason I woke up at around 12 mn and couldn't sleep so I checked my grades. And I had a 2 in CW10 and 1 in thesis and PD. I computed my CWA and I got 1.19. Summa. But later on I met sir Jonas and he said I wouldn't have been summa if I had below 2.25 in CW10. I'm really happy actually. And then I wanted to long post but was too lazy. I'll save it for when everything is over.
That night I also talked to T- and her issues with her batchmates. That's really terrible but I'm rooting for her. Anyway we also talked about future plans and about how C- confessed and then before I went to sleep around 4am (yes we talked for about 4 hours) she said that she liked me back then. And I was like WOAH WTFUDGE ARE YOU SERIOUS OR ARE YOU KIDDING ME because she said it so nonchalantly. But all I typed was "really?" which is probably the suckiest thing to say. I'm really surprised because she's out of my league being so pretty and all, and I'm not really popular with girls (what with my looks hahaha) and I thought all she thought was that I was a friend. She never really expressed it, I think, but then again I'm one hundred thousand times denser than water. And anyway back then I liked courtney who really thought that. These things were before friendzone was a term.
Girls are complicated.
And I think the night after that I talked to Tracy for quite a while too but I was mostly sabaw and she's like tolerating it haha. But she's nice like I thought. Although it's weird that she still stays up late. Which is good for me because I was doing the tarp content back then.
It's weird because you can't talk about random things to guys because guys usually have that one thing they talk about like basketball or manga or whatever fills their pride and I think it gets boring after a while. That's the idea of bonding. But I don't get attached to any one thing so it's a problem for me. Also I'm not one to fill my pride but I must admit that I like it when people notice things I do. Especially the little things. Girls on the other hand can talk a lot about life or anything in general.
Thesis and PD submission was anticlimactic. Also I've been numbing myself with LoL. But I'm planning on playing only when my brother invites.
I installed K9 on my laptop and I will also quit on mangareader because it's unhealthy for my spirit. I am very weak. Especially against lust. At least I got webtoons which are not revealing or anything.
Anyway that's it for now. If I remember anything I'll add it in the next days. I want to write creative things soon too.
edit: she can't come pala for the dance too hahaha sad and happy at the same time xD
Also I remembered D-. I feel like a jerk. I don't know. I wish I knew what to do. I just acted normal but I guess that's impossible for D-. But I guess that's really how you move on.
All this first letter and a hyphen feels Les Miserables-ish.
Anyway I'm always reading john piper's book desiring God (about Christian Hedonism) which is a really good book. And it's free too, from the internet. I find desiringgod.org to be a really nice website. The book is good except for coining terms, that is. I don't like coined terms. But it's really biblically sound. I find the answers to some of the most perplexing conflicts in my mind, like "should I not feel happy for doing good things for it to be altruistic?" and those things.
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