It's been weeks!! I have a lot to tell, and maybe I should go tell them before I totally forget. I think I forgot some details already.
Well actually it's been just 9 days. So May 23 Saturday I went to the last PE class of the sem. It was our finals and I lost. The match was interesting since I was up against Gab and I got a really, really good first hit (it was a low strike, simultaneous dodge against his right shoulder load slash) but the stick got stuck in between his legs and I was disarmed unintentionally. If I held on to the stick it would've been bent. So I lost. Too bad.
Apparently there's an Arnis club and I wanted to go this Saturday but I couldn't because we had things to do, which I'll tell later.
May 24 Sunday nothing much happened, I mostly chilled.
May 25 to May 27 Monday to Wednesday is overnight! I didn't go home. Monday night is the star's special scare night (every night is scare night to her). I took a shower at NIGS and it's really convenient that they have a shower. Tuesday night I didn't sleep straight since I monitored the reactor from 2 AM until 6 or 7. I'm not sure anymore.
May 28 Thursday is PD Defense and Thesis Defense. I was surprised but not shocked (surprised because I didn't know, not shocked because I was chill. Like I tweeted, I used to be chill because I don't care but now I'm chill because I know He cares.) Anyway the star said I look nice in polo and slacks which I think is partly because of the rumba stance. I imagine doing rumba walk in front while reporting and I think it looks nice.
We didn't dance this week because they are all busy and so I am but I'm sure to make time for it because, you know, priorities :))
Anyway the PD was terrible because I was more or less sleepless and my brain stopped functioning. Marion and Raf and Raei's was better because they were sabaw while I'm just plain blank. That's my brain's way of coping.
And then I did FTIR analysis on Friday and also did not sleep on Saturday to fix the PD.
And today I tried to learn SEM analysis and I found out that the resolution isn't really high, then I editted the script which was too rigid and unconnected. Oh well, like the star said, we'll be fine. Not the best tho. Kuya J4 is a big help though.
I'm annoyed how selfish Katarina can get. That's bordering on sabotage. She feels like she did a lot but actually there's a lot of cleaning up after. I want to rant a lot about it but I have to sleep now :) I'll talk again once things are over.
Spiritually, I'm in a terrible state but I can see God working and that's enough for me.
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Friday, May 22, 2015
May 22 2015 Friday
So I wasn't really tired last night, more like melancholic. Because every once in a while I'll remember that yellow letter and think "sayang." Because it could've been. Because honestly it would cross my mind every once in a while. I said what I said not because I didn't want to, but because I want another.
And I don't want to give half a heart.
That's why I'm giving it my all this time. I mean, not forcefully. But I'll focus on this and this alone.
Well things are going okay I guess, academically. I don't really think much about it now. It's so much nicer to think about people and helping people. I guess it's a different kind of thing that you never see on paper. Because papers aren't all that matter.
What matters? Faith, expressing itself through love. I don't know, I don't see much point in doing anything else. I can't see my future. I don't have a dream. I want to do something, though. Something not normal. I want to help people, I think. I don't know. I suck at that. I mean, I think about going to remote places and all, but what about here? There are so many 'churches' and so many 'christians' that are so content about their lives. The need is different. What to do? Where to go?
Maybe I'll stay in Petron? Maybe not? I'm not sure. Like I always say, and now I tell this to myself, you never know the future. I guess it's useless to worry about it and I'll just do what I can now.
Tonight we danced. And I can't express how happy I am. Or how I even feel. A bit like ecstatic and shy at the same time. Then again, I think she feels a little bit awkward with me. Or maybe I'm just putting too much meaning on everything. I won't think about it.
So I bought food at area 2 after and I bought quesadilla, beef with mushroom, and sisig. Turns out Elise' s favorite meat wasn't pork and that was a product of her adjusting to my preferences back in Petron days. And that they supposedly eat a lot of chicken.
Then I slept at 9:30 PM and then set the alarm and dreamt of morning then realized the alarm didn't set off then I looked but it was just 11:26 PM. It'll be a long night.
And I don't want to give half a heart.
That's why I'm giving it my all this time. I mean, not forcefully. But I'll focus on this and this alone.
Well things are going okay I guess, academically. I don't really think much about it now. It's so much nicer to think about people and helping people. I guess it's a different kind of thing that you never see on paper. Because papers aren't all that matter.
What matters? Faith, expressing itself through love. I don't know, I don't see much point in doing anything else. I can't see my future. I don't have a dream. I want to do something, though. Something not normal. I want to help people, I think. I don't know. I suck at that. I mean, I think about going to remote places and all, but what about here? There are so many 'churches' and so many 'christians' that are so content about their lives. The need is different. What to do? Where to go?
Maybe I'll stay in Petron? Maybe not? I'm not sure. Like I always say, and now I tell this to myself, you never know the future. I guess it's useless to worry about it and I'll just do what I can now.
Tonight we danced. And I can't express how happy I am. Or how I even feel. A bit like ecstatic and shy at the same time. Then again, I think she feels a little bit awkward with me. Or maybe I'm just putting too much meaning on everything. I won't think about it.
So I bought food at area 2 after and I bought quesadilla, beef with mushroom, and sisig. Turns out Elise' s favorite meat wasn't pork and that was a product of her adjusting to my preferences back in Petron days. And that they supposedly eat a lot of chicken.
Then I slept at 9:30 PM and then set the alarm and dreamt of morning then realized the alarm didn't set off then I looked but it was just 11:26 PM. It'll be a long night.
Thursday, May 21, 2015
May 21 2015 Thursday
Nothing much happened today except for being locked out of the GC room. It was a bit fun and now I want to learn to pick locks. But I'm too tired now and too lazy to write with feelings.
I wonder if my parents know that we kinds changed topic. Scrap the kinda. Anyway that was the change in catalyst so nothing new there too.
I wonder if my parents know that we kinds changed topic. Scrap the kinda. Anyway that was the change in catalyst so nothing new there too.
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
May 20 2015 Wednesday
Today we did thesis! As usual.
Last night we still didn't produce hydrogen using TiO2 even with the UV lamp from the clean bench. So we are going to change the catalyst to analyze catalysis of seawater. Which is sad. But this is still within expectations, maybe because I expect a lot of things. Although I did hope and pray a lot that we will produce hydrogen using our catalyst.
I like that L described how she felt and she seems admitted and logical now.
Now we are doing random things more or less.
Chan is having problems about pizza. Jugnos. Well, their customer service is so terrible. But chan still manages to keep her cool.
Anyway I went to NSRI and ate Rose there knew Doc Jose. I tested for antimicrobial properties against E. Coli and it's P260 per sample and we have 5 samples. It's supposed to be P600 per sample for outsiders but we have discount so that's P1300 if you are too lazy to do simple math. I'm not sure if we should do methylene blue but I think I can do it tomorrow.
We got free pizza from sir Tony! Yey! And we ate with Chan and Aaron. And LC and Hanna brought me a slice of Yellow Cab pizza! Free dinner! Thank you guys. Thank you Lord :)
Gotta finish PD!
Last night we still didn't produce hydrogen using TiO2 even with the UV lamp from the clean bench. So we are going to change the catalyst to analyze catalysis of seawater. Which is sad. But this is still within expectations, maybe because I expect a lot of things. Although I did hope and pray a lot that we will produce hydrogen using our catalyst.
I like that L described how she felt and she seems admitted and logical now.
Now we are doing random things more or less.
Chan is having problems about pizza. Jugnos. Well, their customer service is so terrible. But chan still manages to keep her cool.
Anyway I went to NSRI and ate Rose there knew Doc Jose. I tested for antimicrobial properties against E. Coli and it's P260 per sample and we have 5 samples. It's supposed to be P600 per sample for outsiders but we have discount so that's P1300 if you are too lazy to do simple math. I'm not sure if we should do methylene blue but I think I can do it tomorrow.
We got free pizza from sir Tony! Yey! And we ate with Chan and Aaron. And LC and Hanna brought me a slice of Yellow Cab pizza! Free dinner! Thank you guys. Thank you Lord :)
Gotta finish PD!
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
May 19 2015 Tuesday
Today I bought her milk tea!
But she doesn't like it. I'll buy something different next time until I get her taste.
Our lab also ate Friuli before that. I was with Kuya J4, Ate Shiela, and Elise. The tuna carbonara and the angel hair putanesca and the margarita pizza were all good. The all-meat pizza was good too but I preferred the margarita.
Then we did thesis all the time.
I want to finish PD too.
But she doesn't like it. I'll buy something different next time until I get her taste.
Our lab also ate Friuli before that. I was with Kuya J4, Ate Shiela, and Elise. The tuna carbonara and the angel hair putanesca and the margarita pizza were all good. The all-meat pizza was good too but I preferred the margarita.
Then we did thesis all the time.
I want to finish PD too.
Monday, May 18, 2015
May 18 2015 Monday
Today I didn't accomplish my mission. Well I will always be on the lookout for situations.
I talked to Jam today and she is cute and honest as usual. We talked about group pet peeves (not so minor, haha) and I said how I am resigned to whatever happens and how I have forgiven and how I will not cushion the consequences.
Today we did a run. There was no result in the morning again (as expected) and we found out a reactor leak so I covered it with electrical tape which didn't work but we went ahead with it anyway. Then we asked for ma'am hya's catalyst and solution to settle if our catalyst is the issue once and for all and she gave it to us. She was amusing as usual especially when they were talking about the constipated smile (which I didn't know because I don't look at her pictures in FB).
It's always funny when people ask "what are you investigating" or "why saltwater" and then I gesture.
Yes I'm also looking forward to the colloquium. I think it will be amusing.
I couldn't do any PD because I have to be on standby for thesis.
Edit: There is hydrogen using ma'am hya's catalyst! Good news: the reactor is working! Bad news: the catalyst is not. The bad news far outweighs the good news. This means that all our work for the past months are useless haha.
I saw Aaron after a long time and he is still the same. They are still the same.
I'm sad that I can't make her laugh and smile so much. I won't give up though and still try to be friends with her again like before, with all the remaining time that I've got.
Anyway also about the touchy issue I notice every once in a while I still can't stop myself. I'll be more mindful.
I talked to Jam today and she is cute and honest as usual. We talked about group pet peeves (not so minor, haha) and I said how I am resigned to whatever happens and how I have forgiven and how I will not cushion the consequences.
Today we did a run. There was no result in the morning again (as expected) and we found out a reactor leak so I covered it with electrical tape which didn't work but we went ahead with it anyway. Then we asked for ma'am hya's catalyst and solution to settle if our catalyst is the issue once and for all and she gave it to us. She was amusing as usual especially when they were talking about the constipated smile (which I didn't know because I don't look at her pictures in FB).
It's always funny when people ask "what are you investigating" or "why saltwater" and then I gesture.
Yes I'm also looking forward to the colloquium. I think it will be amusing.
I couldn't do any PD because I have to be on standby for thesis.
Edit: There is hydrogen using ma'am hya's catalyst! Good news: the reactor is working! Bad news: the catalyst is not. The bad news far outweighs the good news. This means that all our work for the past months are useless haha.
I saw Aaron after a long time and he is still the same. They are still the same.
I'm sad that I can't make her laugh and smile so much. I won't give up though and still try to be friends with her again like before, with all the remaining time that I've got.
Anyway also about the touchy issue I notice every once in a while I still can't stop myself. I'll be more mindful.
Sunday, May 17, 2015
May 17 2015 Sunday
Preliminary post! Will edit later. I feel I want to write that last thought.
Today I met Kim in Kenny Roger's SM Fairview! It's funny.
I also took 4 SLs from church.
The star is saying something about her dream. Edit: OKAY THAT WAS REALLY WEIRD. Hahaha I don't even dream of that. How I wish.
I always feel tempted to take the easy way out and just vanish from people's lives completely just like what I did before. No it won't be easy for me too, I loved so much after all, but it's possible. I have done that before, turn mys eyes away till I am numb from guilt. But I have also learned that is cowardly and rude and it will hurt people so this time, I will stick to my words and continue to give it my all (within bounds, of course). And when I have given all and lost, then and only then will I stop. And then, and only then will I move on.
While doing PD I felt a little lonely again. I see a lot of posts on FB and I feel jealous for some reason. It's actually this that keeps me a lot from working because then I would look for someone to talk to. Then I thought I realize that it was because I want attention from people. And it bothered me to think if that is right or not. So I searched again and found these:
http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/acclaim-for-christ-vs-craving-praise
http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/whose-approval-do-you-crave
(Yeah, if you haven't noticed I like the articles from desiringgod.org. Very sound and Biblical advice.)
So it's my ego acting up again. I should focus on God instead. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
I also played LoL today and I had a little fun.
Today I met Kim in Kenny Roger's SM Fairview! It's funny.
I also took 4 SLs from church.
The star is saying something about her dream. Edit: OKAY THAT WAS REALLY WEIRD. Hahaha I don't even dream of that. How I wish.
I always feel tempted to take the easy way out and just vanish from people's lives completely just like what I did before. No it won't be easy for me too, I loved so much after all, but it's possible. I have done that before, turn mys eyes away till I am numb from guilt. But I have also learned that is cowardly and rude and it will hurt people so this time, I will stick to my words and continue to give it my all (within bounds, of course). And when I have given all and lost, then and only then will I stop. And then, and only then will I move on.
While doing PD I felt a little lonely again. I see a lot of posts on FB and I feel jealous for some reason. It's actually this that keeps me a lot from working because then I would look for someone to talk to. Then I thought I realize that it was because I want attention from people. And it bothered me to think if that is right or not. So I searched again and found these:
http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/acclaim-for-christ-vs-craving-praise
http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/whose-approval-do-you-crave
(Yeah, if you haven't noticed I like the articles from desiringgod.org. Very sound and Biblical advice.)
So it's my ego acting up again. I should focus on God instead. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
I also played LoL today and I had a little fun.
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