March 8 2015 Sunday

Today I want to talk about dating and love in general.

I actually talked to Estelle about this and I'm here to recollect my thoughts and find answers to my questions.

I've been looking for a Biblical example of dating, but there is none. There was no such thing as dating in Biblical times. But now I've remembered that there's the Song of Solomon. It is however, for married or engaged couples, and not really very applicable in dating. There's the commonly used verse though, "Do not awaken love until it so desires." It's often quoted to keep people from well, dating, because traditionally, Christians view relationships as... unwanted, to say the least. Especially with non-Christians.

This negative view on relationships is unwarranted, but the basis is "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?" and "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do."

But being in a relationship or having a wife is actually good. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the Lord." Of course, the thing there doesn't mean objectification; it's italicized in King James which means it's just there for grammatical purpose.

This is apostle Paul's personal stand. I mean his, and not the Lord's:

Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

So basically, having a wife is good but being celibate is better. And because a lot of so-called Christians are posers and would say that being celibate is better and lord it over those who have wives, which God says is also good. But now "blessed celibacy" is mocked because romanticism has kicked in and people think that it 's stupid and that the gift of celibacy is being ugly or being rejected many times by women. Of course you'd think it's stupid if you don't know the point of celibacy, which is to serve God.

But I think if your wife is serving God also, then it's actually better than being celibate. That's why God didn't leave Adam on his own but made Eve to help in his work. Eve was made to work too, not do household chores. She is very empowered haha. In that light, a wife should be someone with the same mission as the husband. Or in my case, the wife I've been looking for should help in God's work (I need a wife, as the apostle Paul says "But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.").

Marriage is a practical thing, because God is first and foremost.

What about her? She's not a christian, but I love her. Was it a mistake, that I awakened love before it so desired? I used to think so. But I don't regret it one bit. Sometimes I think about If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. But we are not engaged. We're not even in a relationship (haha). I don't even know if she likes me the same way.

Should I pursue her?

I shouldn't because she's not a christian.

But in my heart I really refuse to say no because I love her. I make all kinds of excuses saying that I should be responsible that I made her feel special and that she might get hurt otherwise or what not, but those are all my fantasies and imagination and the only real reason is because I love her. But that kind of thinking is worldly and love is only right when it is under the love of God. May the Lord help me.

Now about dating rules: Definitely no sex. But how far is too far? Is holding hands too far? What about saving your first kiss for marriage? To follow an ancient practice without reason really is to be outdated. But the Word of the Lord lasts forever, transcending generations. Christ says "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Should I then not look at her at all?

Anything is too far if it is done in lust. Anything is too far if it is done without God in view. This rule of thumb should apply to all kinds of dating rules. That means if my partner is super conservative then I have to respect that so as not to make her stumble. And if my partner is super liberal then I should watch out that I not sin before God. And if my partner is clueless (like me) then we should just study the Word together (haha).