October 14 2015 Wednesday

I didn't study much at home again, butinstead fixed google contacts. But hey, at least it's finished.

As usual I went with my routine of AQW, Duolingo (Español and Deutsch), and a korean app for 한글 but it is mostly just for vocabulary. (Yes I installed a korean keyboard on my phone, also español, deutsch and français, but I haven't re-started studying the latter.) I need to find other resources especially for grammar.

For lunch I just ate the fish with tausi last night (which I love by the way) and added some mayonaisse.

I fell asleep and left home at around 2 PM. I arrived at engglib and studied with T-, R-, and A-. Mostly just continued memorizing the periodic table. I have in my head now up until Actinium (227).

The star texted randomly! Feels nice. We're gonna meet tomorrow!

I noticed I've been seeing things less and less 'as a Christian.' Well, what does that even mean? Anyway, at least I'm not the same as before. I'm going to think about it.

I need to really build this reading habit (of the Bible) in the morning and in the evening.

So I found this draft I wrote long ago. Let me start with the Mt Batulao story that I owe.

July 1 2015 Wednesday

I had my first legitimate training session of Filipino Martial Arts under sir Jocano. They had chill breathing and stretching exercises, but what I like most is the scientific approach to the exercises.

Particularly I enjoyed stretching my core muscles, the act which they call Lastiko.

I memorized their 13 strikes. The only difference from sir Brix' was the horizontal neck slash, which wasn't so different from the normal horizontal slash.

Then I went to Nate's house for the overnight. I waited for Yeyel for a bit but I figured there must be curfew with the gates and all so I decided to leave and walk since he also wasn't replying anyway.

I was the first to arrive there. Their house was a little bit creepy with almost all the lights off.

Shortly after came yeyel, then carla, then david. Then we talked with esge over the phone and some bluetooth speakers.

I asked Y-- whether he's courting T-- and if I should distance myself. Not like I plan to make a move; I'm still in love with her after all.

Then I took a bath and slept.

July 2 2015 Thursday

I woke up and there was a thunderstorm. I couldn't sleep. So I read the Bible and caught up with my reading plan. I notice I don't meditate on it as much, though, which is not a good sign.

Also D- texted about the storm and I replied "oo nga eh." I have this peace/confidence that things will be alright, storm or no.

Then I fell asleep again.

I woke up and there was no rain. I was already good to go after taking a pee.

We left a few minutes before the agreed time of 5 AM. Then as planned, we drove to Esge's Dad's workplace and switched with the hired driver kuya Dodong. Then we drove to Tagaytay.

I was the assigned treasurer so I received P500 from everyone. All of this was used up by the end of the trip.

We ate breakfast at McDo. I had two piece chicken. I also brought my two sticks with me. Carla had pancakes while the others had chicken of some sort too. I bought the sausage with egg and rice for the driver.

Then we passed by seven eleven and bought other supplies like a lighter and drinks. So very thankful I bought an extra liter of water.

Then we went to Mt Batulao, parked at the canteen. I put on sunscreen from Y-. We had a vote whether to get a guide, and I voted for. So glad we got a guide. We'd have been lost and unable to proceed.

So we began the hike and walked to Batulao. It was a fairly decent walk, around 20 minutes I think. Esge bought a P10-bamboo staff along the way.

While walking a dog growled at me, and a young goat followed to the entrance of the trail later. The goat was "meehhhh"-ing and all and it was so cute. It was whimpering loud when we left it.

Then we arrived at the trail. The view there was plenty lovely already, but when we reached the peak that kind of view seemed so petty.

We climbed the old trail and descended the new trail. How should I describe it? The green mountain was covered in tall grass, only very few trees here and there. The trail was wide enough only for a person. We walked along knife edges with a fairly steep slope on both sides, and we traversed the side of the mountain, clinging on walls, walked the rolling paths up and down its little peaks, until we climbed the final assault.

All the while Carla had a 'wound' and she left her thing on the car.

Then we climbed the last stretch, which was very difficult. We were like climbing very tall and uneven stairs, sometimes slippery with dust, with some unstable rocks, with a ravine behind us.

We had to pull ourselves on a rope up a high slope.

When finally we reached the peak, a cool wind was blowing nonstop. There was a 360-degree view of bliss, while the heat of the sun was covered by the clouds.

Everything seemed so small. I could see far to the horizon, other mountains waiting to be climbed.

When I saw it, I knew why God called it good.

It was only us at the peak. It felt like we had the mountain to ourselves.

And we had lunch up there. Chicken adobo with egg and mongo. C/o david and esge. Rice c/o nate.

We didn't take a lot of selfies. It doesn't really matter to me. I've experienced everything, and when I look at the pictures and when I re-read this blog I will remember the smell of the grass and the fresh, sweet, deep breath of my lungs and the cool wind and the sun battling on my skin, and the rocks and dirt on my foot and the rope on my hands.

After enjoying the view and the food and the rest and the weather, we began our descent.

A dog followed us up the peak, and also part of the descent.

We met a number of groups along the way.

We were more or less tired by this time so we were slower. But really it was dangerous, especially that narrow rock we had to cross. It literally had ravines on all sides. I didn't even bother try standing. I just crawled my way there.

Then there was a series of short rappels.

Then it was just a long walk back down.

We rode a tricycle back to the canteen while the other three walked because Carla couldn't sit.

We took a bath except carla and the swapping of gender roles became a running joke.

Then we went to Tagaytay and ate bulalo. It was my first time and it wasn't very much different from nilaga, except it was... tastier. The free brewed coffee was good too haha.

Then we left and got caught in the traffic in Sucat and we had ghost stories! The only creepy ones were Yeyel's.

So last night while I was asleep Yeyel was beside me to my left. He couldn't sleep. After a while, he was drifting off to dreamland, when he suddenly woke up. He noticed his left hand (not my side) was under the sofa, completely relaxed, AND FLOATING. He pulled it and tuck it under his arms and tried to sleep again. Then he felt a footstep to his right (my side, which is understandable), and then another to his left (which is not). He didn't sleep after that.

Apparently there were other Pep stories and my favorites were those who had third eyes.

Then we arrived at Nate's home and I got my stuff from the top floor and I remembered Yeyel's story so I turned on the lights. To see where ny stuff are, of course. Haha.

Yeah, remember when I said the house was creepy without lights?

Then I went home.

Let's skip July 3 since we had a separate post there.

July 4 2015 Saturday

Scheduled now is Mike's party! I wasn't supposed to go since I didn't know where but Chan was going so I tagged along. I played a game first though and I won. Now 4 LP away from a series.

Then we went to Pampanga. I thought it was Cubao but it was Pampanga. Anyway both are just an hour away or so from SM North so I decided it was okay.

I was wrong.

Anyway on the way C- and I talked about me and her. So I learned a lot. And from there I decided on my next action. But that will happen tomorrow.

I see now how stupid I was. It's a good thing I've learned a bit now. But of course the hurt's been done already and I shouldn't expect a second chance. It's not everyday you get one. Not like I deserved one.

So there's that. If she isn't willing to give me a second chance, then all is okay. I'd leave her life quietly. Maybe cry for a while. Pray for her. Move on. Pray for her still. If she is, then... let's leave that for later.

So we ate at Bale Capampangan. Of course my friends are ready for any adventure and so I thought I was. We finished early actually, until around 3. Then we went to Mike's house there and we hung out a bit. Me and gabo and chan and jd and rojen. And 2mike of course. After that we were supposed to go home. But Chan went to her grandparents' house and was held up there. Because they're grandparents.

So we went to Dau guided by JD and were about to ride a bus. C- called and invited us to dinner, which is okay with me. So she gave some instructions and we went to their house. We didn't get lost. (I expected to, since I was navigating and I just slept my way while JD was leading haha)

Then her lolo began talking about his life (which is interesting, to be fair) how he was a cop and her daughters and how he handled the arayat thing and how he met Lacson and how he served the barangay and everything.

I had to leave since mom was mad. I got mad too because she was texting all caps and accused me of making landi and all. So I texted her something which I really regretted. It's been a long fear of mine that we are just time deposits for my mother.

So I was sad I couldn't eat and that grandparents get sad when people don't eat. So I bought a cheeseburger at McDo.

And I didn't get lost going to Dau. Thanks to a kind lady.

And on the bus I was crying. And on the FX too. And I was thinking of all the things I could say and what kind of cold treatment I'll retaliate and how I should forgive as I have been forgiven and if I should say sorry or not and a really really lot of things.

I walked slowly thinking about this but when I got home dad wasn' t very angry. But I was tired and really sad about what I said to mom and confused about what I'd do regarding her. So I decided to drink half a mug of wine and I felt a bit wobbly. And I talked to dad.

And he explained mom's attitude (which I also knew, but didn't want to accept because I was angry) and he explained a lot of things and he also emphasized about my lovelife how she should be a Christian (which I also knew) and a lot of sobering things. And it was nice just to pour my feelings and it was nice to understand things.

Then I slept.

July 5 Sunday

We went to church and now I have the stigma of a summa. Then we went to SM and my brother and lola ate at Tokyo. Then while waiting for my parents I read a science of cooking or something in National Bookstore. I sat down to read, actually, and even fell asleep a little. The guard woke me up when he asked me not to sit.

I learned a lot about food. I want to read more. Maybe when I live alone next year.

October 13 2015 Tuesday

Today I studied with C! I was early at engglib2 and I read perry's on my own for about three hours. And I remembered how it felt to be left alone (like that one friday I donated blood) and felt sad. But that was just for a short time.

Then C- came and we went to the mainlib so she could keep her bag but they checked countersigns so we moved to KFC because I was hungry.

Apparently T- were at engglib after lunch, which was about the time I left. Oh well.

I answered my brother's exam which was reasonably difficult.

I lost my series to plat I.

October 12 2015 Monday

Every monday I join the ChE198 Process Systems Engineering class. I think I haven't told you yet. I sit in the class with Aaron under sir Jhud and sir Karl.

Today we learned about using Lingo to optimize DRNs, HENs, and by analogy MENs. I've been thinking about it already before and I could have thought of it myself but it's always nice to have the method laid out for you already. More importantly I learned the syntax for nested loops in Lingo.

But before that, I accompanied my brother to SM Fairview to get his sim changed to a microsim (he also has a new phone). We ate at shrimp shack which was overpriced, but the taste was fine. It was good for a change. But I ended up buying snack box from KFC.

I lost the first game of my series to Plat 1.

I was about to text T- but then she asked something about ChEckboard first. Haha. Although I still didn't ask the common question because she doesn't seem to want to reply to it (I asked twice already). But to be fair she did tell something about that. But it's confusing. Anyway I think we'll join them tomorrow (if they do plan to study, that is).

I can hardly do my morning training even though I wake up at 6. My mom promptly asks me to buy pandesal, which means it's breakfast time. I usually only finish my warm ups. Next time though I'll delay eating so I can practice my indoor sprints (more like a series of fast cambios. I thought of it myself). I'll also ask our master on wednesday if I can join their training for the tournament. I can't join the tournament because I'm probably working by then.

I thought of her so randomly while going home. But then in my mental dialogue I keep telling myself I don't think about it anymore. Which is ironic. But it's true that I no longer think of what I can do or what can happen. I firmly believe that the answer to both is nothing.

I wasn't able to continue writing the campfire story. I'll think of the lore on my free time.

That's that. I'll try to be early tomorrow so buenas noches for now.

October 11 2015 Sunday

Today is the first day after fixing my google calendar. The routine reminders are pretty useful.

Anyway I couldn't sleep last night so I began the first chapter of The Bloodstone. Of course while on it I thought of a lot of different ways to change it but then I should realize that there is no perfect allegory. Because allegories are just that, allegories. The real thing will always be so much different and so much better. But allegories are sometimes easier to understand.

The service today is about the great commission. And Danielle (I know she's from CCC) was there and I remembered a lot of things about CCC. And I want to fix my thoughts again, after all this time. What happened, and all that.

Then we ate at KyoChon. I like their spicy chicken. It's less spicy than the Kaboom! Wings in Morayta.

That's another story to tell! There was this lunch during the ChE calc lesson (which has an extremely slow pace) and we didn't know where to eat. They ended up following whoever's in front, which happened to be me, and I just walked where I felt like it. I turned to the left at the yellowcab corner and found thus kaboom thing. The price was okay, so we entered and picked our orders. It happened that we were among the first 26 customers that day so we availed free extra rice and drink upsize (P2 actually), and also the buy two take one burger. I overspent a little but it was fun (which is the mentality that all promos are after. I guess they were quite effective)

Anyway the KyoChon chicken is really good (no blood!) and I like the fact that vegetables were served. I tasted a little of the garlic rice (which was my brother's) and surprisingly, it's not oily. (We bought double drumstick thing, which was P149 and then settled for extra rice. My brother wanted garlic rice). I should try that for myself sometime.

Also my cousin was with us in church. Which is good.

And then I downloaded a first aid app (red cross) and it's very informative. I decided to learn a little everyday, just like I do with Spanish, German, an Korean. I still haven't done anything about sign language and waray.

Sometimes I still crave for a random chat. Like a "kamusta" out of nowhere. But then you don't really expect people to do that. I like doing that but I think people find it weird.

Didn't get siesta. I should stop getting siesta. It messes up my sleep cycle.

October 10, 2015

Today I fixed my email! Tens of thousands of them in my inbox, all sorted. Both yahoo and gmail. And they're now synced to my new phone too. And I also fixed the google calendar. It is oddly satisfying. Better get organized now!

It took me the whole morning to do those. And I was so tired that I fell asleep in the afternoon. But then I'm sure it has something to do with my natural body clock getting sleepy at three o' clock.

Of course I still need to filter the next messages. But as long as I set up automatic filters for a minute or two a day, I can get finished in I think a week or so.

My brother took home the ChE exam! I'll answer it tomorrow hehehe.

I noticed I have not posted about the Batulao trip. I began something in the drafts but for some reason did not finish. So I'll do it tomorrow too, with pics! Although they're on fb already anyway. And I also remembered Banahaw for some reason. I think I have a natural affinity for mountains.

Still bored out of my mind, but I'm coping. I tried AQ worlds again but then I remembered it doesn't have a good player community (too many bots).

I can't find a good bible plan on the phone whose app is nifty in size and ram and doesn't have ads. Guess I'll do it the hard way.

October 9 2015 Friday

I'm getting bored with LoL. Which is good. I decided not to pick up anymore games so as to be more productive in general. But the downside is I often feel very bored, and also without contact from social world I feel very alone most of the time. But then that is not bad at all. I need to learn to deal with it, as I've been saying all along. "Christ is my all in all." Very hard to do.

In any case, I've been trying to set up a VPN, but then decided against it (after a lot of things) since free vpn servers aren't exactly trustworthy (I tried hotspot shield for a while, but it keeps interfering with my normal internet usage). Almost all free vpns have ads and of course I don't have money to buy a spare laptop to use as a server or a router that supports it  (I don't want to use my laptop because it will slow down, since it would need to process and encrypt and decrypt all that goes through our rather limited bandwidth)

But then when I have money I'm thinking of setting up a vpn. And also I'm thinking of buying the tasker app for my phone. But really, they're not necessities.

I studied a lot of fluid flow after finishing mass transfer (still in perry's). Perry's is a very useful book. But it's rather disorganized for a handbook. Well, maybe that's because a good chemical engineer is someone who knows the theories. Like you don't need to look up the basic equations. Then Perry's becomes useful. Very, very, very useful.

Still stuck in platinum II. Nasus is a decent top laner (at least when I use him) but he can't carry the game. Everyone seems to blame me for not TP'ing when they're losing their lane (Pro tip: when you lose lane it's your fault). There are also a lot of toxic players in Plat. I guess that's Philippines for you.

My brother thinks our ChE101 is easy because in their batch only two passed (my brother's the top of course). It's a funny thought considering how unenthusiastic they are about their studies, complaining about every little thing (not just in ChE). Then justifying their shortcomings because of the same things.

Exactly how toxic players think in LoL. But that's not right. All you can do is improve yourself, not others. If you're gonna look for faults, look at your own and fix them. Make do with what you have however shitty they are (teachers, books, classmates). If you're gonna be an engineer, know the ideal, deal with the real.

But then I guess they're still kids. Haha. I do hope they learn that though.

I look forward to studying outside the house! (Because C-'s back :)) ) Less distractions, and you don't get nagged on every so often. Also, opportunity to learn sprinting (it's my assignment for FMA). But I plan on making it up with three sets of the 7 minutes exercise. We'll see.

I didn't practice today because I woke up late. Haha. I need to wake up at 5:30 or 6:00. Gotta set up the alarm later.

I also want to change the blog color scheme! I think I want to go with dark blue, like my new phone. The banner does not match though, so I need to find a replacement.

Then I studied with my brother today! ChE 101 exam tomorrow. It's fun! It doesn't feel as hard anymore. Although I feel a little bit slow in calculations.

October 8 2015 Thursday

August 15 2015 Saturday
Today is Elise's birthday. But that's not the point.

She and I finally talked to each other. About things. Love. Us.

All this confusion of mine has finally ended. Finally I had decided to not make ligaw. She said she doesn't like me anymore. And that's that. We're friends now, as we should've been.

We also talked about things, about the past.

We ate at Ramen Nagi and then drank a suitably bitter Latte at Krispy Kreme. She has good taste. Then we studied with Mikee at Mexicali for a short while.

And went home our separate ways.

Today
It's been so long. The pageviews are down to zero! And again, the blog serves its public-private purpose.

A lot of things happened. I didn't cry. Though I know I won't find anyone like her. (Everyone's unique after all, and I always make it a point to love a person not because of any single particular trait. See the good, accept the bad. Love for who they are. In general. Not just romantically.) But it's not so much of a broken heart as much as it is a shattered dream. After all, there was never anything between us. I just wanted her so badly.

I'd like to speak in the past tense, so as to convince myself more. It's my way of coping. Now we're mostly just awkward and ignore and avoid each other when people are around (she doesn't like it when Carl and the others talk about that. Although of course I'm fine.) but she speaks a little when it's just the two of us. And whenever I see that smile and stare at those eyes, I remember why.

In the end we couldn't even be just friends. I guess it'll never be the same. I can't treat her as if nothing ever happened, like with --. I could do that, but then she can't.

And that's okay. I've accepted that fact already.



Mama is so annoying. Always asking if I'm studying or not. It makes me want to NOT study whenever she does that.

Anyway, now I'm platinum II! Kinda stuck again, what with my nasus not carrying the game as it should. My laning phase is rather difficult if I'm not first pick. And apparently solo queue at platinum II actually know how not to stall the game. In any case, I think I need to practice AD assassins like Talon or Zed. Basically a wider role pool,if there'a such a thing.

Also, I've been studying Perry's. I'm not really that into the board exam. Of course I do want to be top 1; who doesn't? But I'm not aiming for it. Or studying like crazy for it. I want to use this time to study other things that I want, like different languages, ChE198 Process Systems Engineering and Filipino Martial Arts. I'll also study numerical methods after boards. I'll just go with the book since I couldn't commit saturdays to Doc M's class.

Oh and I love Filipino Martial Arts. The group is called Telu Bituun Bagani, part of Lightning Scientific Arnis (L sci) and also Leskas if I'm not mistaken. I'm probably mistaken. I was told yesterday that I need to practice sprints. But I woke up late (7 am, can't even do warmups) so I couldn't start. Also my body still feels tired.

I've been working on duolingo this past week too. Trying to gild all the spanish, but mostly just refresh. And german. I haven't continued french and irish yet i decided german over french because they have better Anaerobic Digestion technology. And I want to learn that. And I really want to continue learning waray. Also I downloaded a korean app. I want to learn that too, since I realized it's useful not only for webtoons but for life as well (a lot of major construction companies are korean)

Last saturday we bought a new cellphone since my mom's will be returned to dad's office. Dad will retire soon so I need to work hard! But there's not really much pressure.

Anyway because of that I got a new Samsung Galaxy J1, and I realized when I got home that this is the same as T's. Ah, have I already said that she's interesting? I think I said that before.

Then I immediately installed all tools and apps I had on my old Galaxy Duos. But when I was about to transfer the sim, I realized J1 only has nanosim so I needed to transfer my (very) old sim to a new one.

That's why I spent 3 hours yesterday waiting for 25 people to finish. The Smart Center at SM Fairview is REALLY slow. Like they have no sense of professionalism and they walk slowly and do a lot of talking to each other. I mean, being buddies and all isn't bad but hey, they're working at the moment and there's no place for that. The manager doesn't even care. Like it's a norm.

And I heard that in the ME board, cheating was so rampant. I hope it doesn't happen to ChE boards. But whatever. MRII practically encourages us to cheat since they keep saying we can write on Perry's.

Not me though. Not gonna write anything. That's also part of the reasons I don't aim for top one.

So I've deactivated my fb and twitter and pretty much cut off from the outside world. I'm not even texting anybody about updates in the social world (though I admit that was a bit sudden and I do get bored to death, and I do wonder about it but I don't want to think too much about things). Oh, I asked LC but she has no internet and is taking care of puppies.

Hmm, well, that's that I can think of right now. It's been so long and I might remember things along the way and just drop them off there too.

Last thing! I want to write a novel. I have things in mind but that can wait after board exam.